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deepundergroundpoetry.com
Idk what to title this
I wish that I had comforting words
That lies would come out of my mouth
Wrap around you like a warm blanket
To cease your worry about me
Ease that nagging thought of my struggle
I wish that I could simply fade from minds
That I wasn't a puzzle piece holding the world
I'm bending under the pressure I think
My mind is cracking but I'm piling on the pills
Three now... I'm taking three now
There was a time I was on about fourteen
I'm in a place that people don't argue with my past
They simply just accept it and move on
Doctors, therapist, psychiatrist, work folks
It's like I'm building the train track here
While driving the train forward, ever forward
I'm letting those toxic relationships fade
Loosing myself in sewing the torn pieces together
And yet I still want to die every single day
It's like a song stuck in my head, bouncing in my skull
Over and over again I feel like it would be easier
Easier to not exist, to not be impactful
To finally lay down and settle my mind
For my mouth to fall silent at last
People have always spoke of my negativity
But it is my reality in these sharp words
One could say that there's a peace in knowing,
In just simply accepting this as fact
That I am going to kill myself
There's no other way I am going
This truth deeply unsettles folks
And I wish I was just wired differently
That the voices would empty themselves
That I could have hope in a peaceful death
In my mind it is a great thought
An escape hatch programed into my hands
I don't want to hurt anyone, I promise
If only someone could remove this one thought
This thought that I have been fighting my entire life
I've accepted it, but my gods I wish it would be different
I'm sorry
That lies would come out of my mouth
Wrap around you like a warm blanket
To cease your worry about me
Ease that nagging thought of my struggle
I wish that I could simply fade from minds
That I wasn't a puzzle piece holding the world
I'm bending under the pressure I think
My mind is cracking but I'm piling on the pills
Three now... I'm taking three now
There was a time I was on about fourteen
I'm in a place that people don't argue with my past
They simply just accept it and move on
Doctors, therapist, psychiatrist, work folks
It's like I'm building the train track here
While driving the train forward, ever forward
I'm letting those toxic relationships fade
Loosing myself in sewing the torn pieces together
And yet I still want to die every single day
It's like a song stuck in my head, bouncing in my skull
Over and over again I feel like it would be easier
Easier to not exist, to not be impactful
To finally lay down and settle my mind
For my mouth to fall silent at last
People have always spoke of my negativity
But it is my reality in these sharp words
One could say that there's a peace in knowing,
In just simply accepting this as fact
That I am going to kill myself
There's no other way I am going
This truth deeply unsettles folks
And I wish I was just wired differently
That the voices would empty themselves
That I could have hope in a peaceful death
In my mind it is a great thought
An escape hatch programed into my hands
I don't want to hurt anyone, I promise
If only someone could remove this one thought
This thought that I have been fighting my entire life
I've accepted it, but my gods I wish it would be different
I'm sorry
Published 9th Dec 2020
| Edited 11th Dec 2020
Author's Note
My death isn't imminent. But if faced with dying from my brain deteriorating and suicide I will choose the second every time. And I know that that bothers people and I don't know how to ease people's worry. I'm okay I just want to die.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
9th Dec 2020 7:59am
You fight to live your life and do things you want to do. Keep on writing.
It certainly is difficult to comment and say anything that may change your mind. I worry because my 16 year old son has just started meds to deal with his depression and anxiety. As a person who tried suicide several times in my younger years, I can understand to some degree, but as a parent now I realize the overwhelming worry and concern I carry with me.
I don't mean to emotionally hijack this piece or this thread but I survived a civil war with a near death experience when I was eight, and that was a life changing experience. The world is a fucked place, and it's certainly fucked up to some more than others. I can tell you with certainty your writing has had an influence on me and others here at DUP. All the shite life has put you through has made you a hell of tough person. We are all responsible for our own choices. Your writing has so brought so much reflection for me in the recent years. Just remember that you are loved many.
Sincerely,
Wally
I don't mean to emotionally hijack this piece or this thread but I survived a civil war with a near death experience when I was eight, and that was a life changing experience. The world is a fucked place, and it's certainly fucked up to some more than others. I can tell you with certainty your writing has had an influence on me and others here at DUP. All the shite life has put you through has made you a hell of tough person. We are all responsible for our own choices. Your writing has so brought so much reflection for me in the recent years. Just remember that you are loved many.
Sincerely,
Wally
