deepundergroundpoetry.com

Here

Itís not that I donít like it here, itís just that I donít know
where here is.
Is ďhereĒ defined by where you are,
  †or by where you are not?

Is ďhereĒ static,
general,
a location?
Or does it change with every passing moment?
 † † †Dictated by our senses.
Is here ever the same as it was just a second ago?

Itís not that I donít like it here, itís just that I donít know
how to be here.
Like thereís a pattern on the sidewalks I've yet to unlock with my steps.
Some sort of secret door that opens up into
 † † †ďthere.Ē
Because thatís what it feels like:
 † † †Like I am on the outside of a door to the place I know I could be in but I donít  † † † † † †know which key it is.
And like a bad horror movie I have too many keys and not enough time because I can feel whatever evil is coming if I donít get to
 † † †where I need to be.

Itís not that I donít like it here, itís just that I donít know
why Iím here.
Did I choose it?
I donít remember picking this.
Or has every single one of my decisions simply led me to this point?
 † † †A simple equation of choices with ďhereĒ as the outcome.
What if I chose differently?
Is it too late to go back?
 † † †This place doesnít feel right for me, excuse me,
 † † †is there any way to change my mind?
 † † †No, I donít know to whatÖ
Iím just trying to find the meaning to all of this.

Itís not that I donít like it here, itís just that I donít know
who I am supposed to be
 † † †here.
Just another body in another space;
What does it even mean to be someone?
Having interests, friends, hobbies, passions?
 † † †That canít be all there is to an identity.
How do I know who I am?
Do any of us have any of these things,
 † † †or are we all just products of our environment?
Are we blank slates inside,
characters programmed to interact with certain people
engage in certain tasks
think certain thoughts.

Itís not that I donít like it here
itís just that I donít know what it means to be here.
theyrejustwords
Written by theyrejustwords
Published
Author's Note
my poems are always so long. i talk too much. or maybe i don't. nothing matters anyway, right?
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Bluevelvete
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