I scrapped a bit as a kid. I was bullied a lot and so I stopped caring about whether I won fights (physical, verbal, etc) and started caring about how much damage I could accumulate before I went down. I was the same way with my abusive family. I learned that I was never going to win a fight with them so I started going for damage points in retaliation to mistreatment, religious oppression, and sexual assault. I spent the first 18 years of my life trying to survive and play the sick games I was thrown into.
The military was the same way. I knew I couldn't win with superiors when I was being abused, harassed, and mistreated. So I bid my time and did what damage I legally could so I could make the best out of the hand I was dealt. I wouldn't be here today if I hadn't done what I could to survive. I've had several suicide attempts, a few of them nearly successful. (If anyone leaves the "men are more likely to commit suicide" argument below you're getting blocked)
This is why I lash out so severely if someone steps on me and yeah I've gotten therapy about it and am in a place in life where I'm safe and can relax, but that doesn't mean Ive forgotten how to sharpen my claws nor does that mean I regret any pleasure taken from using them.
I HATE fighting nowadays. I hate having games played with me and I'll break the game board in half just to piss you off.
I just want peace and to be left the fuck alone. I just want people to fucking love and show compassion for each other and I want people to be treated fairly and well. That's A LOT to ask for. I know. That's a low bar as it is, but it's still too high for the majority of the human population. But if you put me on the spot, you hurt me, or you go after the people and things I love... fuck around and find out.
So with that said.. At what price are you willing to win? At the cost of your livelihood, your career, your life maybe? Because I'll make sure you remember me. The bile you taste on your tongue when you are reminded of me is all the satisfaction I will ever need.
Maybe that makes me a monster, but at least I'll be the most beautiful one you've ever seen.