"suppressed"

   
     
     
     deep despair, fills one's heart; it slightly fades in moments; yet it's always there;    

moments of more or less joy, like a slight high that eventually fades in the wind like a candle light being blown....
     
          
and when one looks into the eyes of those whom strengthens the illusions of happy and hope....    
     
        
deep down one's heart sinks....    
     
     
if one could be conscious after death, I wouldn't want to return here.... I'd like to know what "life" would be like absent of this "haunting experience" called human being....    
     
     
 I don't take pride in this existence; witnessing how limiting and viscous it truly is....