deepundergroundpoetry.com
Ah Gabriel
Ah Gabriel!
How hard a task was laid on you,
how hard the trust,
how hard
to travel through
the empty miles of space
unto a cloistered girl
who knew no man,
to startle her
and race her heart
past fear,
and then announce
strange words --
that she would bear a son of destiny
who would be named
as Yahweh's chosen one.
Was all the gospeling
the holy one commanded you to speak
some comfort to her then?
Or did her face grow white
as stone?
And did her knees collapse
with all the gloried weight of you?
Were you to her
a hollow wind,
within the tensing air
a shadow blurred,
a light askance
just there
beyond the corner of her eye,
an echo of a voice beyond the upland hills?
Or did she know you then for what you are,
God's able bodied one,
God's might,
and look you eye in eye,
and calmly kneel
in smiling awe,
amazed at all the golden splendor
in your wings and wake,
with gentle handmaid's reverence
and, grace inflamed,
said yes,
hands crossed
along her heart,
her belly swelling quick with majesty,
reducing you to tears?
How hard a task was laid on you,
how hard the trust,
how hard
to travel through
the empty miles of space
unto a cloistered girl
who knew no man,
to startle her
and race her heart
past fear,
and then announce
strange words --
that she would bear a son of destiny
who would be named
as Yahweh's chosen one.
Was all the gospeling
the holy one commanded you to speak
some comfort to her then?
Or did her face grow white
as stone?
And did her knees collapse
with all the gloried weight of you?
Were you to her
a hollow wind,
within the tensing air
a shadow blurred,
a light askance
just there
beyond the corner of her eye,
an echo of a voice beyond the upland hills?
Or did she know you then for what you are,
God's able bodied one,
God's might,
and look you eye in eye,
and calmly kneel
in smiling awe,
amazed at all the golden splendor
in your wings and wake,
with gentle handmaid's reverence
and, grace inflamed,
said yes,
hands crossed
along her heart,
her belly swelling quick with majesty,
reducing you to tears?
Published 25th Nov 2020
| Edited 14th May 2021
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 1
comments 9
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The author encourages honest critique.
25th Nov 2020 10:57pm
25th Nov 2020 11:55pm
Dear Baldwin,
This is the poetry which l like. It's full of deep meanings and strong ideas. J Z
I am very sorry. Your belief in the last poem shows me that it is contrary to the belief in the previous poem which l gave LIKE. So l delete my like. I don't expect a serious poet can change his attitude between an hour and the next. Are you setting a trap?
This is the poetry which l like. It's full of deep meanings and strong ideas. J Z
I am very sorry. Your belief in the last poem shows me that it is contrary to the belief in the previous poem which l gave LIKE. So l delete my like. I don't expect a serious poet can change his attitude between an hour and the next. Are you setting a trap?
26th Nov 2020 6:31pm
"Dear Baldwin,
This is the poetry which sic "that"?] l like. It's full of deep meanings and strong ideas. J Z"
But you've said dozens of times that I am incapable of writing poetry of any kind, let alone that is full of deep (as opposed to shallow?) meanings and strong (as opposed to weak) ideas or that has any kind of linguistic merit and poetical phrasings. Are you withdrawing your claim? Do you really see differences between how this is set out and the ways my other submissions have been? If so, what are these differences?
Cue the response only to the question of whether "which" is proper.
This is the poetry which sic "that"?] l like. It's full of deep meanings and strong ideas. J Z"
But you've said dozens of times that I am incapable of writing poetry of any kind, let alone that is full of deep (as opposed to shallow?) meanings and strong (as opposed to weak) ideas or that has any kind of linguistic merit and poetical phrasings. Are you withdrawing your claim? Do you really see differences between how this is set out and the ways my other submissions have been? If so, what are these differences?
Cue the response only to the question of whether "which" is proper.
Dear Baldwin,
I've clearly told you why l like it. There is no necessity to say any more.
This is the poetry WHICH... . It should be WHICH not THAT. The relative clause here is NON DEFINING RELATIVE CLAUSE. You can't use THAT.
I've clearly told you why l like it. There is no necessity to say any more.
This is the poetry WHICH... . It should be WHICH not THAT. The relative clause here is NON DEFINING RELATIVE CLAUSE. You can't use THAT.
26th Nov 2020 7:35pm
And defining clauses take "that", not "which"
"To understand when to use that or which, it’s important to understand clauses. A defining clause (also called an essential clause or a restrictive clause) gives information essential to the meaning of the sentence. That is used in defining clauses. Here’s an example:
My bike that has a broken seat is in the garage.
In this sentence, you understand that the speaker has at least one other bike. Specifically, the bike he’s talking about is distinguished from his other bikes by its broken seat. If you removed the clause “that has a broken seat,” you would lose the implication that he owns more than one bicycle, and even if you somehow knew about the other bikes, you wouldn’t know which one was in the garage.
Which introduces non-defining clauses. Unlike defining clauses, non-defining clauses (also called nonessential or nonrestrictive clauses) don’t limit the meaning of the sentence. You might lose interesting details if you remove them, but the meaning of the sentence wouldn’t change. Sometimes, these phrases are set off by commas.
My bike, which has a broken seat, is in the garage.
Here, the broken seat is simply a description of the bike in the garage. There’s no implication that the speaker owns more than one bike. Do you see the difference? Perhaps a little mnemonic device will help you to remember how to choose between that or which.
How to Remember the Difference Between That and Which
Because non-defining clauses add removable information, it’s easy to remember to use which if you think of a plastic sandwich bag. They are disposable, and so are clauses with which. Let’s look at some examples from real life."
https://www.grammarly.com/blog/which-vs-that/
"To understand when to use that or which, it’s important to understand clauses. A defining clause (also called an essential clause or a restrictive clause) gives information essential to the meaning of the sentence. That is used in defining clauses. Here’s an example:
My bike that has a broken seat is in the garage.
In this sentence, you understand that the speaker has at least one other bike. Specifically, the bike he’s talking about is distinguished from his other bikes by its broken seat. If you removed the clause “that has a broken seat,” you would lose the implication that he owns more than one bicycle, and even if you somehow knew about the other bikes, you wouldn’t know which one was in the garage.
Which introduces non-defining clauses. Unlike defining clauses, non-defining clauses (also called nonessential or nonrestrictive clauses) don’t limit the meaning of the sentence. You might lose interesting details if you remove them, but the meaning of the sentence wouldn’t change. Sometimes, these phrases are set off by commas.
My bike, which has a broken seat, is in the garage.
Here, the broken seat is simply a description of the bike in the garage. There’s no implication that the speaker owns more than one bike. Do you see the difference? Perhaps a little mnemonic device will help you to remember how to choose between that or which.
How to Remember the Difference Between That and Which
Because non-defining clauses add removable information, it’s easy to remember to use which if you think of a plastic sandwich bag. They are disposable, and so are clauses with which. Let’s look at some examples from real life."
https://www.grammarly.com/blog/which-vs-that/
I didn't ask you why you liked my submission. I asked other things, which as I predicted correctly, you'd prescind from answering and focus instead on a minor point I raised about something you wrote that had nothing to do with the questions I asked about the way I wrote in this submission of mine vs. the way I set out submissions of mine that you have claimed are not poetry.
Have you or have you not told me more than once that I was incapable of writing well and that I did not know anything about poetry? Yes or no?
Have you or have you not told me more than once that I was incapable of writing well and that I did not know anything about poetry? Yes or no?
I am sorry. I have corrected a mistake. I meant to say NON DEFINING. THIS IS THE POETRY is already defined by THIS IS and THE. So it is NON DEFINING.
BTW. How can a serious poet change his attitude between a poem and another, written approximately an hour before?
BTW. How can a serious poet change his attitude between a poem and another, written approximately an hour before?
27th Nov 2020 6:47pm
"BTW. How can a serious poet change his attitude between a poem and another written approximately an hour before?"
Easily -- and that's by making the **narrator** of his/her pieces different from each other and exploring different scenarios. Are you saying that a writer has no right to take up a different perspective on a subject but must always say essentially the same thing when he/she composes a new piece on that subject? Why is it wrong to write something that attempts to depict in words the way that Caravaggio presented Mary as giving herself over to Gabriel's pronouncement of her destiny and then write something that imaginatively explores what Mary must have felt after she was, as certain early Christian and other traditions say, she found herself pregnant as a result of being raped while betrothed (and thefore all but married) to Joseph?
Easily -- and that's by making the **narrator** of his/her pieces different from each other and exploring different scenarios. Are you saying that a writer has no right to take up a different perspective on a subject but must always say essentially the same thing when he/she composes a new piece on that subject? Why is it wrong to write something that attempts to depict in words the way that Caravaggio presented Mary as giving herself over to Gabriel's pronouncement of her destiny and then write something that imaginatively explores what Mary must have felt after she was, as certain early Christian and other traditions say, she found herself pregnant as a result of being raped while betrothed (and thefore all but married) to Joseph?
