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Image for the poem the excruciatingly unbearable hilarious passage of time.

the excruciatingly unbearable hilarious passage of time.

[1992]
  |
 
 
The first...  
You were there  
and  
I was completely unaware,  
even with the amount of time you invested
into your obvious preference
Me, not understanding in the moment,  
so young and oblivious  
so, of course,
you eventually tired-
leaving behind barely a semblance,
or so you thought;
I still display that black and white photograph your dad took of us,  
-forever young, happy and joyous
rambunctious, in all of the things still yet to come.  
Then another,
the next that I remember...  
was surely it,  
O' we both agreed;  
days and nights of  
'sweaty hot messy need'  
you know,
the "Newness"
which is just truly,
the most delicious
time to spend
and relish all you can
Too bad you don't.  
No one ever does
You unknowingly let it starve and wither...  
letting those bones protrude
as the relationship gets thinner and thinner,  
soon it implodes;
An explosion of silence,  
is just so much worse than if it would have erupted into some sort of cathartic relationship ending violence.  
That time,
yeah, THAT time
I was left with a chalk crime scene outline  
'round my 'chi' or aura or whatever you call it....
"No resale value" was cosmically stamped across my forehead--
A hilarious disgrace of portend.
and after much healing time,  
Ohh, I'm sure a lot of time,
to reflect in kind, like weeks maybe?  
At least...  
(she's cheeky)  
There were perhaps a few dalliances  
(ok, maybe more than 'a few')  
mostly, from what I can remember,
they were drunken nights of sin.  
Sometimes,  
you've got to let the debauchery win...  
.... to find yourself again;
and low and behold,  
I did.
Ater lessons taught and hardships fought, unintentionally looking high and low,  
I was finally found.
It's no surprise and everyone knows  
That,  
is when you least expect it.  
That's when the 'L' word,
sneaks all around your now healthy and healed heart, all stealth-like.  
You don't even put up a fight.  
because you're unaware,
of seeds being planted, growing and taking root;
No second thoughts, not one care  
No swirling doubts.  
Swimming in perfect certainty
Inevitably,
ending in matrimony.  
TO BASK IN SUCH A GLORIOUS DAY!  
A long time coming
which sparked some serious celebrating.  
Dreamlike in all it's wonder.  
-a wish for time to end right then-
.................
Never a lucky bone to cater  
It's only much much later,  
when crushed and barely breathing,  
under hindsight's own bright light of grieving,  
and all my fucked up thoughts, weaving  
in and out and all throughout  
like a serpent from the original sin's garden of eden,
I see the truest reasons
of our poignant and crushing incompatibility  
Perhaps my own sins were getting even  
or I think, "Is Karma stepping in?"  
If even seemingly to late, it's better late than never, that karmatic protection, soothing nonetheless
As I bequeathed what's left of my heart to the darkness....  
Take it, I don't need it anymore.  
It's only sand running through these veins
A hollow space.  
A bitter bloody stain.  
So... It's when at that bottom of my rock bottom
with pain piled high, feeling like I am rotting,  
the acrid stench reaching my olfactory senses  
being left so weakened and defenseless
my whine starts to hush,
slowly into silence...  
It's there,
In that particular passage of time  
that I am reminded
(Yes, in all that darkness)  
That pain is a precursor
it's the indie opening band
of the show stopping worldwide loved headliner  
that is pleasure  
Without the salt, the sweet wouldn't taste nearly as treasured
My creativity, mixes with all that is and all that will be.  
To allow this new vision some clarity.  
To no longer be borrowed but become something new  
To only now know that this time,  
is colored in nothing but Blue  
 
 
     |
[2020]  
 
 
 
Bluevelvete
Written by Bluevelvete
Published
Author's Note
©Blu2020
a stream of consciousness that borders rambling... it had to be released....
pic via Pinterest, LaMenteEs Maravillosa
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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