Less Than Zero

I'm trying my best to get this off my chest.
I awake each day and then don't feel the rest.
Truth is, i don't think i even tried my best.
Or if i did, then it seems that i am less.

Less than zero.
Negative i.

Broken thoughts,
Collapsing mind.

So hard to breathe,
Struggling sigh.

I can't believe a reality of goodbye.
Feels like majority of myself has died.
Wish it were lies.
God why?
-
I met a pain that seems to resignate.
I met her pain without even knowing her name.
It feels like comfort, like one in the same.
In hypocrisy i claim, one day it'll change.

Meanwhile I'm spinning like I've gone deranged.
Stifle the pain.
Meanwhile I'm dripping in cold sweated rain.
Drenched in the shame.

Saint Peter greeted and then locked the gate.
I haven't got the signals, so i remain.
Trying to refrain.

Palms to my forehead, going insane.
Wishing to reach in my head and rip my brain.
Just so it tames.

There's nothing left but i feel the wait.
Cascade the fade until nothing relates.
Seeing my reflection, and starting to hate.
-
I want to reach out so desperately.
Just to say hello.
My madness calmed i think.
But which way did it go?
I think it's dissipated from this time,
Not just stuffed below.
Disparity is not my rarity,
It's all too well known.

I'm the negative one.
Less than zero.
And now it's shown.

I wear the grief,
I can't relieve.
I don it like a coat.

Drowning before i sink.
A hole within.
Yet we're in the same boat.

Just feel alone.
Feel like i broke.
And i can't seem to cope.
-
Without being hugged,
I still love.
And it wrenches me,
As if i wish i didn't.

I feel like a ghost,
Lost and haunted,
Drained of blood,
Transparent in pigment.

Moments where you're still close,
Until i remind myself of the distance.

Never felt farther,
From you,
Or myself...
It is what it is, isn't it?