Relying On Self-Acceptance While Validating My Self-Worth

I am so fatigue today… my sex life has plateaued, well since last Friday. I have been studying until my brain is going to pop… how in the world I am in my last year of college, and it’s hard as hell.      
       
I have some stern professors, unfortunately all females this semester, who goes by the book, no grade curves, and no key words in the problematic narratives when test taking, which so happens to be one page long in duration. Nothing related to what you have studied to the lateral where you can attempt to come up with an accurate conclusion, or let alone guess.        
       
It appears, after all these years, my high school sophomore cheating ways by writing in my palm… is coming back to haunt me … Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.      
       
Then the PowerPoint presentations must be concise, show analytical and compassion with data… To stand there and be proud of your accomplishment you have masterfully put together, then some Einstein in class.. have to be the one to challenge your theories, because he does not get it… too bad buddy, read the syllabus, this class is about, your perceptions verses man’s belief to Western Medicine ideology.      
       
Thank goodness I came out victorious and got an A-...on my presentation and a B+ on my research and then after class, this same student apologized and asked me out for a drink to discuss my relativity findings more in depth.      
       
My second online mid-term exam in Philosophy on 11/16/20 was a breeze, however, after the first hour… I somehow became a tad confused in Medieval philosophy, and Christian philosophy for two long agonizing hours, I had to compare theology, where common sense did not take credence. Those philosophers were some craft tongue talking men of their time. My grade was posted an hour ago, I got a B+… I am tired of these darn B-s, however, I will accept that.      
       
Today my mid-term this evening is in Accounting … I do payroll for my staff, hopefully, I will breeze through the test taking process... I mean come on, how hard can it be to compute numbers, does any of these professors take into consideration we are in a pandemic, these tedious lessons will have no bearing once you are in the field of medical, treat one, reach one… and you are moving on to the next patient.      
       
I do not know if these drill sergeants I have this semester are grooming to incorporate great Nurse Practitioners into the world, but why pick on my developing brain.        
       
My college tuition, which, I have to set aside out of my monthly salary and the hefty wages my grann sends me from Haiti, 'just because' she tells me... I think it’s too keep me in school so I cannot return to Haiti saying, it became too expensive to continue, although, I have myself hands down. I have it on my own… but someone has to pay from my monthly colon cleansings, pedicures, waxing, and manicures, bless you grann and your beautiful heart, always.        
       
However, it does not warrant this type of mental displeasure my astronomical tuition fees for undergraduate studies pays. Be advised, I pay for their salary, in addition, I’m a Director Of Nursing gets no clout with those women.      
       
One professor even had the audacity to advise me, she was once a Director of Nursing… and dismissed my debatable question… ooo…        
       
It is either stay afloat or drown yourself, thankfully I am breathing above waters.      
       
I have three more semesters and then I can blow this popsicle joint, before transitioning into a three year rotating clinical, if I do not fizzle, and  I will be damn if I shadow a female physician.      
       
Three more mid-terms… grrr… I swear I need a lifeline.      
       
Whoever has walked this gruesome path to get a Master’s Degree without burnout, I love you and I admire you for that tenacity you must have shown to get where you are at today      
       
Love and Hugs,      
SKC, BSN, DON (Director Of Nursing)