2020

Good work 👍

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading. And for the feedback.

Onward!
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I really enjoyed the message of this, and you have a good command on vocabulary and the formation of solid lines ( despite poetry being new to you ).

In the spirit of honest critique, I would offer the following so that the read is much smoother:

2020

This cathartic restructuring          
[ p ]ushing us fast into fated futures          
[ a ]pproaching greatness through the process/
of distillation and purification;
[ a ]nd those ripe with spite and malice    
[ a ]re ready to cut down the harvest.          
Lonely and judgmental/
the temperament of time.          
Sentinels of peace cry out/
seeking release from their bondage.          

In the darkness of our shadows          
[d] eep is the silence and stillness[ — ]    
Alone.      
   
This forced isolation, an opportunity
for transformation[ ; ]    
[ e ]merging with clarity[ . . . ]  
20/20 vision.          

Again, you have an excellent command on vocabulary and line formation; however, punctuation is the tour guide who leads the reader through your poem. All the end stops were abrupt, and sometimes out of place. Capping the beginning of each line is indeed an acceptable ( and classic ) form of poetry, but is typically done with a specific meter in mind, thus the reader pretty much follows the cadence. This is more free verse; thus, capping each line can cause a bit of a pause when reading.

I have suggested the above revisions so that the poem reads more smoothly for the reader. It defines when a new sentence begins and doesn't interrupt another. It also allows for a bit of space for the reader to absorb the imagery.

Please understand these suggestions are constructive only, and not meant to rewrite your poem.

Thank you for reading Ahavati!  I appreciate your honest critique. I'm here to learn.
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Thank you for accepting it in the spirit it was given, distortions!

Well said, it is evolved to look at situations as opportunities for growth. Belated welcome to the site. I'm Daniel, one of the site's recently defunct podcast staff.

I would recommend several techniques I often employ, such as imbuing the environment or milieu, the way you describe what you see will be colored by your emotional state. I would suggest free form, rather than rhyming, because it has a more organic feel to it. I keep rhymes sparse for impact and often use alliteration, which has a more subliminal rhyme about it. The most important element of writing to me is honest vulnerability and I've felt that in your writing as I've been looking through your catalogue tonight. Ultimately, technique improves dimensions and fluidity, but true emotion is something that the writer either pours from heart truth or does not. Feel free to browse my catalogue for these techniques I have suggested and others such as soft tangent, anchoring line, enveloping, where you begin and end the poem with the same lines. Thank you for being with us here and I hope the new year brings you peace, passion, prosperity and purpose.

In kindness,
Daniel

Hi Daniel,
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I have found this community to be very helpful and encouraging. I love words but totally lack the technical skills and confidence needed to take it to the next level. I would love to dig into your catalog. Thanks for pointing me in a direction. I've been floating around out here for a while.
:-)

Sincerely,
Adrienne

''D''... I am the Novice's Novice who never came on here to write but love experiencing written word of others, especially resonating verse.. I  write sparingly here kinda of as a journal of sorts of my life's experience, poetry therapy, unloading stuff. The inspiration from these talented writers on D.U.P. is mind blowing. You have that inspirational talent. I absolutely love your raw, genuine, and powerful delivery in verse. Your poetry is the main course to my word salad and I truly look forward to your creative written word. I love your style!!!

Thanks for listening Relic! I'm so glad you approve ;-)
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