deepundergroundpoetry.com
Ad Infinitum
maintenance therapy ~
the marathon of my mental health,
forging an uneasy peace
with a vigilant existence ~
to live
to love
to risk
tearing everything apart
again and again
and one more time, for fun
because I’m addicted
to gluttonous displays
of emotion
anytime shit goes sideways
my shadow is a drama queen, baby
the questions have shifted
when x, what will be y?
furiously working through the steps
before dropping back into the race
fresh from weekly training ~
out of breath and red-faced
like I’d been running
alongside you the whole time
becoming instead,
when x, what was y?
I am held accountable
to truths I’ve embraced
at the back of the line, it’s quiet
behind the gold medal
contenders
and the weekend
pretenders;
I’ve accepted I’ll come undone
whenever I try to keep up
I’m keeping decent pace
all the same;
something about this feels
like happiness
the shift in wording subtle
yet the impact is my impetus forward,
being declared expertly fitted
with the best shoes
my insurance money can buy;
I have what I need
It’s a long road ahead, watch your step
balancing the unbalanced mind
is a steep, rain-slick incline
the whole way to the finish
today I sat nervously
on an unfamiliar couch
and spoke to
an unfamiliar face
with compassionate eyes
and gentle brows,
confessing the moments
since I last bared my soul
where I faltered, afraid
or reacted, defensive;
embarrassed, I spilled
the fucked up ways
I still comfort my anxiety
we’ll get to that, he says
another story for another time
morning centering rituals,
my penance;
these Hail Mary mantras
are the only thing I allow
myself to believe in
anymore ~
turns out I really wasn’t
the best person to ask
if you wanted to know
who I am
Who am I?
I surrender myself whole
to the deep, dull ache
of my regrets,
the unrelenting sorrow
of lessons learned
the hardest of ways;
I honor the pain
with bitter tears,
and then I let it go
sometimes twenty times
before noon
the marathon of my mental health,
forging an uneasy peace
with a vigilant existence ~
to live
to love
to risk
tearing everything apart
again and again
and one more time, for fun
because I’m addicted
to gluttonous displays
of emotion
anytime shit goes sideways
my shadow is a drama queen, baby
the questions have shifted
when x, what will be y?
furiously working through the steps
before dropping back into the race
fresh from weekly training ~
out of breath and red-faced
like I’d been running
alongside you the whole time
becoming instead,
when x, what was y?
I am held accountable
to truths I’ve embraced
at the back of the line, it’s quiet
behind the gold medal
contenders
and the weekend
pretenders;
I’ve accepted I’ll come undone
whenever I try to keep up
I’m keeping decent pace
all the same;
something about this feels
like happiness
the shift in wording subtle
yet the impact is my impetus forward,
being declared expertly fitted
with the best shoes
my insurance money can buy;
I have what I need
It’s a long road ahead, watch your step
balancing the unbalanced mind
is a steep, rain-slick incline
the whole way to the finish
today I sat nervously
on an unfamiliar couch
and spoke to
an unfamiliar face
with compassionate eyes
and gentle brows,
confessing the moments
since I last bared my soul
where I faltered, afraid
or reacted, defensive;
embarrassed, I spilled
the fucked up ways
I still comfort my anxiety
we’ll get to that, he says
another story for another time
morning centering rituals,
my penance;
these Hail Mary mantras
are the only thing I allow
myself to believe in
anymore ~
turns out I really wasn’t
the best person to ask
if you wanted to know
who I am
Who am I?
I surrender myself whole
to the deep, dull ache
of my regrets,
the unrelenting sorrow
of lessons learned
the hardest of ways;
I honor the pain
with bitter tears,
and then I let it go
sometimes twenty times
before noon
Published 14th Nov 2020
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likes 11
reading list entries 9
comments 10
reads 225
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The author encourages honest critique.
14th Nov 2020 11:16pm
hi there beautiful Luna
so many lovely shades to you
I overthink things people say
I don't know maybe
I think we should be ourselves
who else can we be?
great introspective wrtie ❤
so many lovely shades to you
I overthink things people say
I don't know maybe
I think we should be ourselves
who else can we be?
great introspective wrtie ❤
14th Nov 2020 11:19pm
As I am still meeting myself, I tend to agree with you. Thank you for the RL, dear Crimsin 💜
15th Nov 2020 4:11am
Captivating. Your voice has grown to sweep the stage with it's breath, it's rhythm and presence. Metaphors proportional and fluid, lending shadow forms to the intangible. Sensitivity and depth to your rendering that speak to heart. 💖🙏🏻
15th Nov 2020 9:15am
Anonymous
15th Nov 2020 1:08pm
I almost feel as though you have three consecutive, brilliant poems here, Luna. As if the majority involving the running metaphor wasn't breath-taking enough.
This would be #2 sandwiched in between #1 and #3.
"today I sat nervously
on an unfamiliar couch
and spoke to
an unfamiliar face
with compassionate eyes
and gentle brows,
confessing the moments
since I last bared my soul
where I faltered, afraid
or reacted, defensive;
embarrassed, I spilled
the fucked up ways
I still comfort my anxiety
we’ll get to that, he says
another story for another time"
This would be #2 sandwiched in between #1 and #3.
"today I sat nervously
on an unfamiliar couch
and spoke to
an unfamiliar face
with compassionate eyes
and gentle brows,
confessing the moments
since I last bared my soul
where I faltered, afraid
or reacted, defensive;
embarrassed, I spilled
the fucked up ways
I still comfort my anxiety
we’ll get to that, he says
another story for another time"
15th Nov 2020 11:21pm
I had considered carving them up initially, to create some visual poetry. I may still do that as I agree that there are three distinct pieces here. Thank you for your insight, Johnny 💜
15th Nov 2020 9:11pm
Talk about the theme of gratitude and letting go this week! It's going to be a doozy of a week! A very positive vibe after the intense energies of the past few weeks.
This is beautifully written! I do agree it could be three separate poems.
This is beautifully written! I do agree it could be three separate poems.
15th Nov 2020 11:22pm
I am really trying to embrace that energy to power me through this period of intense reflection and emotion. Thank you, Ahavati 💜
15th Nov 2020 11:05pm
This is an undercover journey into discovery on various levels... a beautiful write... about a not so easy life... thank you for sharing Luna... yours... are lines that always hold my attention... ⚘🔥
15th Nov 2020 11:23pm
