deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Roses and the Dew
How I wish to write
beautiful acclamations
about the dew
on prairie roses -
how the morning air
was bitter,
yet the sun made crystals
of the droplets,
with a sly backwards glance
and his tongue out
how do you like them apples?
I want to sit in the bright of day,
pen on paper in my lap
~crisp anticipation~
magic flowing
furiously
to the page,
I want to inspire you
(myself)
to dream
again
instead
I’m yanking each letter
out of my chest,
instead of my mouth -
rotten teeth
with roots hanging on
despite all the pulling
at least for today
I make a mess of things
(everything)
when my head comes
undone;
I’ve no skeletons
in my closets,
I had to build
a proper graveyard
long ago
I’ll extract
these
words
one
by
one
anyway,
because they have
nowhere else to be
at this late hour
and because you really
should have seen
the roses and the dew
beautiful acclamations
about the dew
on prairie roses -
how the morning air
was bitter,
yet the sun made crystals
of the droplets,
with a sly backwards glance
and his tongue out
how do you like them apples?
I want to sit in the bright of day,
pen on paper in my lap
~crisp anticipation~
magic flowing
furiously
to the page,
I want to inspire you
(myself)
to dream
again
instead
I’m yanking each letter
out of my chest,
instead of my mouth -
rotten teeth
with roots hanging on
despite all the pulling
at least for today
I make a mess of things
(everything)
when my head comes
undone;
I’ve no skeletons
in my closets,
I had to build
a proper graveyard
long ago
I’ll extract
these
words
one
by
one
anyway,
because they have
nowhere else to be
at this late hour
and because you really
should have seen
the roses and the dew
Published 28th Oct 2020
| Edited 29th Oct 2020
Author's Note
Written as a non-entry for the Touched With Fire Competition
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 12
reading list entries 4
comments 18
reads 166
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Oct 2020 4:37am
Dear L,
“ How I wish to write
beautiful acclamations
about the dew
on prairie roses - ” to the contrary I think you just did.
“ I want to inspire you
(myself)
to dream
again ” I love this because I want to say this out loud to someone but I don’t because I’m not sure I really mean it. Sometimes dreams are thieves in the night- for me anyway. I find this poem a piece of perfection. It’s beauty matched only by its truth. Flawed humans against nature’s flawlessness.
When’s your poetry writing class starting 😉. H🌷
“ How I wish to write
beautiful acclamations
about the dew
on prairie roses - ” to the contrary I think you just did.
“ I want to inspire you
(myself)
to dream
again ” I love this because I want to say this out loud to someone but I don’t because I’m not sure I really mean it. Sometimes dreams are thieves in the night- for me anyway. I find this poem a piece of perfection. It’s beauty matched only by its truth. Flawed humans against nature’s flawlessness.
When’s your poetry writing class starting 😉. H🌷
29th Oct 2020 3:41am
I feel that way too, sometimes. I feel like saying it sometimes because I think I’m supposed to. I want to feel that way authentically, but like with most things complicated, sometimes I don’t.
Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response, Honoria. I appreciate you 💜.
Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response, Honoria. I appreciate you 💜.
Anonymous
- Edited 9th Apr 2022 5:45am
28th Oct 2020 11:04am
<< post removed >>
29th Oct 2020 3:41am
28th Oct 2020 1:25pm
Very lovely offering, Luna. I love the entangled emotion of feeling and observation that weave themselves throughout the poem. The imagery, as always, is spot on.
29th Oct 2020 3:42am
28th Oct 2020 6:05pm
I feel privileged to have read this luna... appreciate the share... and the inspiration ✌🔥
29th Oct 2020 3:43am
I really enjoy the skeletons / proper graveyard metaphor, mostly because you also touched upon the idea of teeth as part of the message needing extraction.
As I tell everyone, as everyone I tell will attest, you seldom need the word "like" when you are making comparisons. Let one thing BE the other thing and vice versa. "like" is what needs to be yanked out of a poet's vocabulary.
"instead of my mouth -
rotten teeth
with roots hanging on
despite all the pulling"
works just fine.
As I tell everyone, as everyone I tell will attest, you seldom need the word "like" when you are making comparisons. Let one thing BE the other thing and vice versa. "like" is what needs to be yanked out of a poet's vocabulary.
"instead of my mouth -
rotten teeth
with roots hanging on
despite all the pulling"
works just fine.
29th Oct 2020 3:44am
Thank you so much, JB. I removed it and I rather like the change. Thank you for taking the time to provide your insight; it’s much appreciated 💜.
29th Oct 2020 10:14am
Starts out with a soft, sweet image n then you really give the gut punch! Outstanding ink my friend. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾✌🏾
29th Oct 2020 3:29pm
29th Oct 2020 12:50pm
29th Oct 2020 3:30pm
31st Oct 2020 7:49pm
Charming. And, yes sometimes the words just refuse to come out. Regards' robert.
31st Oct 2020 7:56pm
1st Nov 2020 2:55am
Sometimes you have to bleed for your art, sweat for the craft. But only the times when you want to craft art of any quality
1st Nov 2020 3:19am
I completely agree wholeheartedly, Loki. Better out than in, and sometimes that means there’s carnage. Thank you for your insight and your kind words, Loki. I appreciate your support 💜.
