deepundergroundpoetry.com
Goodbye
it's sad....
You could have
won me over
if you had just
played your hand right
but, no....
instead
You chose to
be deceitful
and no relationship
based on such a monstrosity
Is worth my time
Goodbye, my love....
goodbye
You could have
won me over
if you had just
played your hand right
but, no....
instead
You chose to
be deceitful
and no relationship
based on such a monstrosity
Is worth my time
Goodbye, my love....
goodbye
Published 24th Oct 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 11
reads 380
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
24th Oct 2020 2:52pm
Commend your ability to let go, Faith. Too many would fear losing what they had misperceived by making excuses for the behaviour.
24th Oct 2020 3:12pm
Thank you for that. Nothing is worse than lies except maybe more lies. I don't know why because the truth is not difficult at all. Go figure!
24th Oct 2020 3:30pm
The more lies, the greater the monstrosity or nightmare. Well penned, Faith. Though consider changing the ending to
"Goodbye, my loved....
goodbye"
to further drive home the notion of having moved on.
"Goodbye, my loved....
goodbye"
to further drive home the notion of having moved on.
Not to be mean or anything but isn't that a bit picky? Besides, this time I don't agree with you at all. The line makes perfect sense to me as it is. I welcome criticism if it's constructive but clearly this is not. Please leave me alone. I don't need your advice anyway. Go bother someone else.
Here's a little unsolicited advice for you, caveman.
Go back into whatever cave you crawled out of, and stop farting on my work.
Here's a little unsolicited advice for you, caveman.
Go back into whatever cave you crawled out of, and stop farting on my work.
24th Oct 2020 9:26pm
You tagged this with a request for Honest Critique. I praised your poem and offered one simple suggestion. I've been nothing but kind to you and I hope whatever bad day you are having improves.
24th Oct 2020 9:04pm
Good for you, faith ❤️. Your writing is very expressive and aching. Trust is very important on a relationship, and sometimes once it's violated, it's permanent. Things will be better for you without this person in your life, I am sure of it...
24th Oct 2020 9:14pm
24th Oct 2020 9:49pm
So very true. Thank you for your response to my poem. I may not be here too much longer to write anymore of them. I have enjoyed, however knowing you.
25th Oct 2020 10:58am
25th Oct 2020 11:48am
Sometimes, I grow a little unhappy here but for the most part I really love this place. It is nice to know that somebody cares whether I come or go. I have never stayed with a writing community longer than I have been here. I think I will stay a little bit longer. It's never good to leave a place angry anyway. Thank you so much for your support. I appreciate it more than you could ever know.
