Broken Promises

God damn it
I don't know how to explain
You're going to see it
Once more I'm an idiot
Relapsing in the wrong place
You're going to see this scar
And know I have messed up again
Months of progress down the drain
Twice in the last year...
And now you'll see the one
And I don't know how to explain
My mind was screaming for punishment
How do I describe what I was feeling?
The release it gives me... When I give in
There's a part of my soul that deserves to hurt
I hold onto this self hatred like broken glass
Knowing I'll be better off if I just open my hand
But knowing I don't deserve what could happen
How can I express this pain to you
You will just judge me like society
Self harm... Most folks can't imagine
The hatred and pain one must feel
To give oneself an injury permanently
Writing that moment into ones flesh
Every scar of mine is a reminder,
A punishment, my sin written into flesh
A sentencing given to myself
But you wouldn't understand that
Your self harm comes in a society sanctioned bottle
Your self harm comes neatly wrapped and boxed
Your escapism comes in neat little jars
Baked into sweet nothings that melt on your tongue
My comes from a lighter and needle duo
I would have gone and gotten a tattoo
I swear it... If I could have just walked out of my room
I would have done it with my tattered promise
Hanging in ribbons from around my throat
I never meant to make myself a liar
But here I am, aching wrist and lies in my mouth
I'll cover it up... So you won't see
That I broke my promise between you and me