The Addict’s Daughter

you’d get a good laugh
if you could see
the oxygen cannula  
pressing your chapped lips  
into cartoonish arcs;    
you’d snort your amusement  
in that sarcastic way  
that kept us tethered  
because there was nothing else  
I’ve suddenly developed  
a peculiar insanity,  
that point of no return    
where laughter and tears  
do shady deals    
to earn prime real estate  
on my cheeks  
full of useless rage,  
simmering just beneath my skin -  
a boiling pot, its lid too tight  
begging for calm  
just a little longer  
I’ve been breaking that promise  
for years now
you were good to me,  
once or twice    
upon a time;  
that heart failing you now  
was once too big  
for this world,  
although not where those    
who lived under your roof  
were concerned  
God is always watching  
and boy does He love  
to keep score    
but we’ll get to that  
in those moments,  
you left such an impression,  
I’ve been looking for you  
ever since  
a lesson in expectations  
your parting gift;  
it’s quite generous of you -  
I know now it matters not    
how long    
you’ve been waiting    
for a thing,  
you’ll never be ready  
when it arrives    
the monitor beeps loudly,  
startling me  
as if you heard my thoughts;  
even while you sleep,  
I’m still afraid of you  
your (self)righteous anger  
follows me everywhere  
I wonder if,  
when you’re gone,  
I’ll finally stop  
looking over my shoulder  
for your disapproval  
But, I still want you to love me  
I hate myself for this,  
and I wish you even cared  
that I do,    
but you stopped caring    
about anything    
except cut-up straws,  
the street price  
of foxy roxy’s,  
and the gilded compacts  
used to powder your nose;    
I pretended so hard  
I didn’t see them all  
tucked into every corner  
of your crumbling house,  
my entire life ended up  
in on the ruse  
your doctor called  
and told me to come,  
sit and find peace    
before you go;  
but he doesn’t know  
you can’t give me any;  
you’ve never had it yourself  
but I have no hatred for you,  
nor have I any pain left to feel  
sitting uncomfortable  
in this sticky vinyl chair,  
I’m here to let you go;  
holding my coffee  
long gone cold,  
I tell you about serenity -  
the kind I found  
right on the other side  
of acceptance;  
and I know this is true  
because I’m leaving here  
with zero remaining burden    
for your choices,  
knowing I was never    
one of them    
Author's Note
This was written for the Aftermath of Addiction, but I didn’t have the balls to finish writing it until today 💜
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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