deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Addict’s Daughter
you’d get a good laugh
if you could see
the oxygen cannula
pressing your chapped lips
into cartoonish arcs;
you’d snort your amusement
in that sarcastic way
that kept us tethered
because there was nothing else
I’ve suddenly developed
a peculiar insanity,
that point of no return
where laughter and tears
do shady deals
to earn prime real estate
on my cheeks
full of useless rage,
simmering just beneath my skin -
a boiling pot, its lid too tight
begging for calm
just a little longer
I’ve been breaking that promise
for years now
you were good to me,
once or twice
upon a time;
that heart failing you now
was once too big
for this world,
although not where those
who lived under your roof
were concerned
God is always watching
and boy does He love
to keep score
but we’ll get to that
in those moments,
you left such an impression,
I’ve been looking for you
ever since
a lesson in expectations
your parting gift;
it’s quite generous of you -
I know now it matters not
how long
you’ve been waiting
for a thing,
you’ll never be ready
when it arrives
the monitor beeps loudly,
startling me
as if you heard my thoughts;
even while you sleep,
I’m still afraid of you
your (self)righteous anger
follows me everywhere
I wonder if,
when you’re gone,
I’ll finally stop
looking over my shoulder
for your disapproval
But, I still want you to love me
I hate myself for this,
and I wish you even cared
that I do,
but you stopped caring
about anything
except cut-up straws,
the street price
of foxy roxy’s,
and the gilded compacts
used to powder your nose;
I pretended so hard
I didn’t see them all
tucked into every corner
of your crumbling house,
my entire life ended up
in on the ruse
your doctor called
and told me to come,
sit and find peace
before you go;
but he doesn’t know
you can’t give me any;
you’ve never had it yourself
but I have no hatred for you,
nor have I any pain left to feel
sitting uncomfortable
in this sticky vinyl chair,
I’m here to let you go;
holding my coffee
long gone cold,
I tell you about serenity -
the kind I found
right on the other side
of acceptance;
and I know this is true
because I’m leaving here
with zero remaining burden
for your choices,
knowing I was never
one of them
if you could see
the oxygen cannula
pressing your chapped lips
into cartoonish arcs;
you’d snort your amusement
in that sarcastic way
that kept us tethered
because there was nothing else
I’ve suddenly developed
a peculiar insanity,
that point of no return
where laughter and tears
do shady deals
to earn prime real estate
on my cheeks
full of useless rage,
simmering just beneath my skin -
a boiling pot, its lid too tight
begging for calm
just a little longer
I’ve been breaking that promise
for years now
you were good to me,
once or twice
upon a time;
that heart failing you now
was once too big
for this world,
although not where those
who lived under your roof
were concerned
God is always watching
and boy does He love
to keep score
but we’ll get to that
in those moments,
you left such an impression,
I’ve been looking for you
ever since
a lesson in expectations
your parting gift;
it’s quite generous of you -
I know now it matters not
how long
you’ve been waiting
for a thing,
you’ll never be ready
when it arrives
the monitor beeps loudly,
startling me
as if you heard my thoughts;
even while you sleep,
I’m still afraid of you
your (self)righteous anger
follows me everywhere
I wonder if,
when you’re gone,
I’ll finally stop
looking over my shoulder
for your disapproval
But, I still want you to love me
I hate myself for this,
and I wish you even cared
that I do,
but you stopped caring
about anything
except cut-up straws,
the street price
of foxy roxy’s,
and the gilded compacts
used to powder your nose;
I pretended so hard
I didn’t see them all
tucked into every corner
of your crumbling house,
my entire life ended up
in on the ruse
your doctor called
and told me to come,
sit and find peace
before you go;
but he doesn’t know
you can’t give me any;
you’ve never had it yourself
but I have no hatred for you,
nor have I any pain left to feel
sitting uncomfortable
in this sticky vinyl chair,
I’m here to let you go;
holding my coffee
long gone cold,
I tell you about serenity -
the kind I found
right on the other side
of acceptance;
and I know this is true
because I’m leaving here
with zero remaining burden
for your choices,
knowing I was never
one of them
Published 8th Oct 2020
Author's Note
This was written for the Aftermath of Addiction, but I didn’t have the balls to finish writing it until today 💜
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 9
comments 15
reads 245
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
8th Oct 2020 9:00am
I have no words... only that you moved me to tears 😢
Impactful, touching, and incredibly cathartic writing. Such an incredible and palpable purge of emotions. Just wow... May you continue to heal and find your inner peace. I know you will ❤️. Thank you for letting us peer into your soul on such a deep level - your vulnerability is admirable, to say the least.
"I’ve suddenly developed
a peculiar insanity,
that point of no return
where laughter and tears
do shady deals
to earn prime real estate
on my cheeks"
My favorite verse... so powerfully evocative and cleverly conveyed. Your writing is amazing, as always!
Impactful, touching, and incredibly cathartic writing. Such an incredible and palpable purge of emotions. Just wow... May you continue to heal and find your inner peace. I know you will ❤️. Thank you for letting us peer into your soul on such a deep level - your vulnerability is admirable, to say the least.
"I’ve suddenly developed
a peculiar insanity,
that point of no return
where laughter and tears
do shady deals
to earn prime real estate
on my cheeks"
My favorite verse... so powerfully evocative and cleverly conveyed. Your writing is amazing, as always!
8th Oct 2020 2:28pm
Thank you so much for your kind words; I appreciate them, and thank you for reading my work and taking the time to give support 💜
8th Oct 2020 3:14pm
Brave and well written, Luna. A further insight into what some of us have never experienced in our sheltered lives. You do confessionals great justice with your honesty and trust in letting others in.
8th Oct 2020 4:26pm
8th Oct 2020 3:37pm
This is such a gift, Luna. This poem; but also your presence for one to whom you owed nothing. Thank you for sharing this... I'm glad you found the balls to complete it! 😉
Hug ❤
k
Hug ❤
k
8th Oct 2020 4:31pm
I’ve learned that the best way to find peace is to stop letting my inner child take credit for choices that didn’t have anything to do with me. That took a really long time to put into practice, but the end result is another dysfunctional cycle broken. Thank you so much for the nomination; it’s such a huge honor 💜.
8th Oct 2020 5:33pm
A beautiful example of accepting what just is, was, and always will be; the only thing we can change is ourselves and our own perspective. Once we are able to do that, we view the world in a more peaceful and joyful way, realizing that each person has their own evolutional timeframe via their personal choices. For the most part, nothing is ever really about us, but perhaps, we finally realize, them doing the best they can to survive with the hand they were dealt.
Beautiful work.
Beautiful work.
8th Oct 2020 10:08pm
You speak wisdom and truth , Ahavati. I’m so thankful for your support, and for your wisdom. It helps me with so much more than my desire to hone my poetry skills. Thank you 💜
8th Oct 2020 5:49pm
I knew immediately, from the opening lines, I was looking at something with alchemical presence. The magnified details, the fluid metaphor and deep rivers of emotional nuance, the presence of time and roots of long association, as well I would think. Gorgeous, haunting and powerfully intimate.
8th Oct 2020 10:09pm
jesus christ, luna. wait. am i allowed to say that here? if not. sorry. i just....i have no words right now. i'm going to have to read again and come back.
i came back to just say this: i'm ordering I love LunaGreyhawk t-shirts. the fangirl society is going to take off.
i came back to just say this: i'm ordering I love LunaGreyhawk t-shirts. the fangirl society is going to take off.
8th Oct 2020 10:10pm
9th Oct 2020 9:13am
Order an extra shirt for me while you're at it! *laughs*
Am I allowed in the club if I am male? 😅
Am I allowed in the club if I am male? 😅
9th Oct 2020 5:22am
This is such a brave write and really nicely written, you struck a balance between telling a story and having it flow poetically, it works. It kept my attention to the end with its firm hold on passion and rawness..
9th Oct 2020 5:26am
