deepundergroundpoetry.com
Cold Grief
Winter creeps
single panes
tragic gusts
no shelter remains
sorrow crawls
within veins;
darkness walks
among the living
leaving pale
unforgiving
memories hazy
barren to reliving;
untold stories
past lost
grasping tightly
at what cost?
existent grief
in winter’s frost
single panes
tragic gusts
no shelter remains
sorrow crawls
within veins;
darkness walks
among the living
leaving pale
unforgiving
memories hazy
barren to reliving;
untold stories
past lost
grasping tightly
at what cost?
existent grief
in winter’s frost
Published 23rd Sep 2020
| Edited 24th Sep 2020
Author's Note
Processing grief inspired by The Dark Minimalist Competition.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 10
reads 443
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Sep 2020 4:43pm
I like this piece...a lot...the short phrasing effectively keeps it crisp...
but not losing any continuity for all it's brevity.
Well done...
It's also nice to see...
your use of vocabulary
not used commonly
yet still possessing
great validity...as in existent.
Ta for the inspiring read... Ely
but not losing any continuity for all it's brevity.
Well done...
It's also nice to see...
your use of vocabulary
not used commonly
yet still possessing
great validity...as in existent.
Ta for the inspiring read... Ely
24th Sep 2020 10:04am
Thank you Ely. Sometime less says more. (I was also limited to 40 words) I appreciate your feedback and support. Bless
Mel
Mel
23rd Sep 2020 5:02pm
The brevity sucks the emotion out of this, adding to the feeling of a desolate coldness.
Because of the minimal nature of the entire poem, the word cost used twice becomes more pronounced. I recommend replacing the first instance somehow, perhaps with a synonym.
Because of the minimal nature of the entire poem, the word cost used twice becomes more pronounced. I recommend replacing the first instance somehow, perhaps with a synonym.
24th Sep 2020 10:09am
Thank you JB. I appreciate your feedback about "cost." Spot on. I have changed the line altogether to read "barren to reliving". I think I like it much better and it supports both the line above and below. Thank you again.
Mel xx
Mel xx
23rd Sep 2020 6:38pm
24th Sep 2020 10:11am
23rd Sep 2020 7:34pm
Makes me feel like the last time a few weeks ago when I took a walk in the cemetary. Soothing in a manner. Timr for reflections, yes.
24th Sep 2020 10:14am
Thank you Robert. Yes, always time for reflection and then a good write to put the emotion and experience down on paper. Cathartic.
Bless
Mel
Bless
Mel
11th Jul 2022 4:05am
12th Jul 2022 10:36am
