Suffocation of Marriage

So desperate to please you,
quantity over quality, fearing loss,  
 
sensual in thought but,  
more mechanical in reality  
 
the love is still there  
where passion is not.  
 
Your spirit’s essence  
creates imagined warmth.  
 
For as much as I long for your company,  
I’m relieved when we part.  
 
The mental jenga which  
wreaks havoc in mind and body,  
 
leaves anguished sentence fragments  
when we attempt to reconcile.  
 
What was once unified,  
was singularly envisaged
 
I felt free together,  
you did not  
 
you storaged yourself.  
What would you do differently if apart  
 
we went our separate paths?  
My most cherished compliment  
 
was I saved you  
from being alone.  
 
Self implosion would have  
yielded the same result  
 
alas hindsight. Where to go from here?  
Successes and failures are manageable,  
 
all is forgiven, all is not tolerated.  
Like the Nile River we’ll continue upstream.  
 
Against all odds and all arguments,  
until death do us ~ in.