deepundergroundpoetry.com
Maeror
when all the words
left us both
abandoned,
exhaled on a rush
of stale breath
we’d been holding
for far too long,
what was left
of you and of me -
of we?
the secret you wore
to appease the Moon
with pancakes,
was the best kind
of memory,
belonging to no one else;
but we held secret after secret
until we felt like nothing but
a locked away vault
full of whispers
and gentle subterfuge
I was determined
to hold you
in the rubble of one life,
trying to build another
as (my) luck would have it,
my way was worse
than the highway
left us both
abandoned,
exhaled on a rush
of stale breath
we’d been holding
for far too long,
what was left
of you and of me -
of we?
the secret you wore
to appease the Moon
with pancakes,
was the best kind
of memory,
belonging to no one else;
but we held secret after secret
until we felt like nothing but
a locked away vault
full of whispers
and gentle subterfuge
I was determined
to hold you
in the rubble of one life,
trying to build another
as (my) luck would have it,
my way was worse
than the highway
Published 16th Sep 2020
Author's Note
Written for the Misloved Competition
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 4
comments 9
reads 186
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
16th Sep 2020 4:53pm
A very moving and real piece of poetry, Jenn. That ending is sublime.
Best of luck in the comp.
Best of luck in the comp.
16th Sep 2020 5:08pm
Thank you, Ahavati. This went a little too deep for me, and I very nearly deleted it altogether. It hurts to even read it. It’s not a technically good piece, but my goal is to become a better poet and I can’t grow unless I spill authentically. So, it stands. Thank you for reading it, and for seeing the honesty in it 💜.
16th Sep 2020 5:10pm
I don't know about technicalities, Jenn. There is very little I would do to this. Your enjambments ( which can make or break the flow of a piece ) are excellent. They demonstrate a strength for practically each line to stand on their own; however, are taken to a different level when the reader moves on ( nice surprises there ).
17th Sep 2020 3:33am
Jenn, thank you for sharing from such depth. You open with such intimate address of your ghosts. Flows into touches of memory, which shimmer before the minds eye. Your penultimate stanza destroyed me. Beautifully done.
17th Sep 2020 4:14am
17th Sep 2020 6:03am
Dear L,
I’m reading this story play out knowing the leading lady must depart for destinations unknown in order to Survive and thrive but it doesn’t make the heartbreak any easier to digest.
I’d love to be able to open up in this fashion. I do admire your doing this I know it couldn’t have been easy. Awesome poeting. H🌷
I’m reading this story play out knowing the leading lady must depart for destinations unknown in order to Survive and thrive but it doesn’t make the heartbreak any easier to digest.
I’d love to be able to open up in this fashion. I do admire your doing this I know it couldn’t have been easy. Awesome poeting. H🌷
17th Sep 2020 6:14am
17th Sep 2020 9:00am
Wonderful write ... great flow ... nice line breaks ... love the third stanza ... the final lines take the poem home ... good luck with the comp ...
17th Sep 2020 12:42pm
