deepundergroundpoetry.com
DO YOU ENJOY LIFE?
DO YOU ENJOY LIFE?
Go and eat your cake; the gallows lies in wait.
Can you feel the sweet its sugar will create
or your mind is in what will happen to greet
your most frightened neck that hates to live this trick?
Can the span on earth endow you what is worth
to endure what comes, the scary death and gloom?
What can life be with all its joy and nice days,
but that piece of cake ere your gallows you take?
I dislike the joy that life offers to cloy
the penurious men that to live they would yearn.
Keep your cake, cruel time _ its sweetness is like slime _
and assure man's soul it lives to no control.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Go and eat your cake; the gallows lies in wait.
Can you feel the sweet its sugar will create
or your mind is in what will happen to greet
your most frightened neck that hates to live this trick?
Can the span on earth endow you what is worth
to endure what comes, the scary death and gloom?
What can life be with all its joy and nice days,
but that piece of cake ere your gallows you take?
I dislike the joy that life offers to cloy
the penurious men that to live they would yearn.
Keep your cake, cruel time _ its sweetness is like slime _
and assure man's soul it lives to no control.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 14th Sep 2020
| Edited 15th Sep 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Well, here’s another in the long list of your submissions that are a preachy, presumptuous, poorly written moralistic lectures the point of which is hardly clear.
“DO YOU ENJOY LIFE?
Go and eat your cake; the gallows lie in wait.”
Gallows is not a plural noun. So this should be “the gallows lies in wait”.
More importantly, you need to say what the gallows lies in wait for if this sentence is to be a complete one. And of course, it’s hardly the case that death by hanging is the destiny of all human beings.
“Can you feel the sweet its sugar will create”
Sugar does not create anything, let alone “the sweet” – whatever that is. Did you mean to say something about how eating cake gives life a sweet taste? If so, you haven’t said it.
“or your mind is in what will happen to greet
your most frightened neck”
Did you mean to say “or is your mind ON what will happen to your neck if you are brought to the gallows to be hanged”?
“that hates to live this trick?”
Here's another example of your tendency to write unintelligible lines because of deixis. What “trick” is “this trick”? And the syntax of your line makes you say that it is someone’s frightened neck that hates to live [??] some trick”.
“Can the span on earth”
More deixis. What span? Did you mean to say “can your span on earth ...”?
“endow you what is worth”
And here’s another example of your typical misuse of “endow”. You need to say “endow [you] **with** ...” for your syntax here to be correct.
And did you mean to say “to endow you with what you need TO ENDURE what comes ...”? If so, you haven’t done so. And you need to say something about WHEN whatever it is that one hopes to endure (a scary death and gloom? ) is coming if this line is to make sense.
“ the scary death and gloom?”
So gloom is experienced AFTER one’s death? And is all death scary? Does everyone regard it as such?
“What can life be with all its joy and nice days, [sic the comma is unnecessary]
but that piece of cake ere your gallows you take?
This is another instance of your sacrificing sense in order to get a rhyme. What is the direct object of “you take”, "that piece of cake" [deixis] you mention but don't define or specify, or “gallows”? And if it’s “that piece of cake”, is it really true that all the joys and “nice days” of life are nothing but cake?
“I dislike the joy that life offers to cloy
the penurious men that to live they would fain.”
Fain is not a verb.
And leaving aside the question of why life's joys would “disgust or sicken (someone) with an excess of sweetness, richness, or sentiment” (https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/cloy), and the fact that you’ve once again engaged in deixis (THE penurious men? Who are they?), why would anyone dislike impoverished (or even stingy) men experiencing life’s joys? And why should anyone care that **you** dislike them doing so or agree that you have a right to do so?
“Keep your cake, cruel time; its sweetness is like slime
and assure man's soul it lives to no control.”
And here’s another of your many instances of abandoning noun-verb agreement. Since “sweetness” is the subject of the clause after the semicolon you should have written, “and assureS”. And why would something that tells “man’s soul” that it has no control over itself be life-affirming or doubt dispelling?
Moreover, are you saying that since time is cruel (presumably because it brings death), no one should attempt to find joy within one’s life?
The author of Ecclesiastes (and Albert Camus) would roundly disagree with you.
(Cue the "your questions are not worth answering", "you have no poetic imagination", "you're too stupid to understand what I'm saying", or other ways of avoiding speaking directly and cogently to my remarks responses).
“DO YOU ENJOY LIFE?
Go and eat your cake; the gallows lie in wait.”
Gallows is not a plural noun. So this should be “the gallows lies in wait”.
More importantly, you need to say what the gallows lies in wait for if this sentence is to be a complete one. And of course, it’s hardly the case that death by hanging is the destiny of all human beings.
“Can you feel the sweet its sugar will create”
Sugar does not create anything, let alone “the sweet” – whatever that is. Did you mean to say something about how eating cake gives life a sweet taste? If so, you haven’t said it.
“or your mind is in what will happen to greet
your most frightened neck”
Did you mean to say “or is your mind ON what will happen to your neck if you are brought to the gallows to be hanged”?
“that hates to live this trick?”
Here's another example of your tendency to write unintelligible lines because of deixis. What “trick” is “this trick”? And the syntax of your line makes you say that it is someone’s frightened neck that hates to live [??] some trick”.
“Can the span on earth”
More deixis. What span? Did you mean to say “can your span on earth ...”?
“endow you what is worth”
And here’s another example of your typical misuse of “endow”. You need to say “endow [you] **with** ...” for your syntax here to be correct.
And did you mean to say “to endow you with what you need TO ENDURE what comes ...”? If so, you haven’t done so. And you need to say something about WHEN whatever it is that one hopes to endure (a scary death and gloom? ) is coming if this line is to make sense.
“ the scary death and gloom?”
So gloom is experienced AFTER one’s death? And is all death scary? Does everyone regard it as such?
“What can life be with all its joy and nice days, [sic the comma is unnecessary]
but that piece of cake ere your gallows you take?
This is another instance of your sacrificing sense in order to get a rhyme. What is the direct object of “you take”, "that piece of cake" [deixis] you mention but don't define or specify, or “gallows”? And if it’s “that piece of cake”, is it really true that all the joys and “nice days” of life are nothing but cake?
“I dislike the joy that life offers to cloy
the penurious men that to live they would fain.”
Fain is not a verb.
And leaving aside the question of why life's joys would “disgust or sicken (someone) with an excess of sweetness, richness, or sentiment” (https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/cloy), and the fact that you’ve once again engaged in deixis (THE penurious men? Who are they?), why would anyone dislike impoverished (or even stingy) men experiencing life’s joys? And why should anyone care that **you** dislike them doing so or agree that you have a right to do so?
“Keep your cake, cruel time; its sweetness is like slime
and assure man's soul it lives to no control.”
And here’s another of your many instances of abandoning noun-verb agreement. Since “sweetness” is the subject of the clause after the semicolon you should have written, “and assureS”. And why would something that tells “man’s soul” that it has no control over itself be life-affirming or doubt dispelling?
Moreover, are you saying that since time is cruel (presumably because it brings death), no one should attempt to find joy within one’s life?
The author of Ecclesiastes (and Albert Camus) would roundly disagree with you.
(Cue the "your questions are not worth answering", "you have no poetic imagination", "you're too stupid to understand what I'm saying", or other ways of avoiding speaking directly and cogently to my remarks responses).
