It All Ends
It all ends once I find you.
The insanity that I live through as a result of obsessions every day will hush itself. My own voice in my head that longs for this will be quenched. The nonsense that I've come to laugh at because that's the only way to deal with what will not cease to plague me will vanish.
It all ends once I meet you.
That which cannot be recreated will finally be felt so naturally. The feeling that is unobtainable through even the most potent of chemicals will tingle through me once again. There will be no more chasing "the next best thing" which is still such a far cry away from this. There will be freedom again, the same as every time before.
It all ends once I tell it to.
Years of damage will evaporate in minutes, even in the first moments of connection. Believing all of the lies that I've told myself as a form of defense will take time to undo, or simply a gentle kiss. Who could know anymore? The moment never lasts long enough, so I chase through other means until even they fail to work. I try to believe I'll feel it again, this time the right way. The way everyone else is allowed to; Nature's way, which bears no consequences.
It all ends once I get fed up of living this way.
So I either find ways to change, or cease to live. There must be a way out I tell myself day after day, trying to believe the words I'm telling myself. There must be a way to overcome this foul curse that's been instilled so deeply inside me. The personality; the self. Tainted from the womb, doomed to this type of doubt and irrational hesitation. I scream "Why!" to empty meadows and quiet rivers, yet no answer calls back to me, as I sit alone questioning...
"Will it ever end?"