Finding myself

They all said they loved me and they all lied.
However this is not the reasoning for my suicide.
As a matter of fact just me having love for them.
Kept me going and smiling until this sad end.

Truth is I forgot how to love myself and that was ok.
I struggled forth and changed my habits and ways.
I finally found myself again after so many long years.
Looking back over the terror and chaos and endless tears.

I look in the mirror now and I can confidently smile.
Such self pride overcoming all those dark trials.
I know I found who I really was and I am a malfunction.
Mishandling deeds, dabbling in dark magic and corruption.

I always did good for all the others but neglected myself.
Once again it all points back to that poor mental health.
Now I am for once going to be selfish and do what I please.
Heaven or Hell or a spiritual plane I am looking for release.