THE DENIAL OF LOVE

I am a nocturnal creature by natures design as a woman yet the greatest battle, I have is trying to survive through the hash reality of life and love. As it truly comes with its own systematic and theology lessons, that you have to learn that you don't even know what is coming down the pipeline. As life is merely an unforgiving thing as it will surely break you down, yet at the same time it will build you up much stronger than you've ever been. For you have to adapt to the changes of your environment as it will surely create illusions, that well blind you and distract you from seeing that which is front of your eyes. As you are seeking and searching for that natural connection of the heart and soul. But yet beneath the surface of my subconsciousness echoing through, the hillsides of my mind touching and pulling at the very core of my heart. Yet I feel completely like an different person as I feel so much alone, within the world as I hide my feelings and emotions behind a mask as an disguise. Because I refuse to give in to someone else demand of how, I should feel when they were supposed to love me as a woman. Yet they took me for granted and treated me like I didn't even exist for you betrayed, my trust and love along with my honesty and truth and conviction of my deepest level of love. As all I wanted to do is love you from the depth of my heart and soul. Yet you treated this relationship like it was some kind of play toy, that you can pick up whenever you want to play mind games. For you slowly destroyed my loyalty while kicking against my self esteem, trying to get me to understand your point of view, yet not completely understanding how you made me feel. So you ask why do I wear a mask as an disguise while hiding behind, the scenes of preying eyes to hide the mere tear stains upon my face, for its because of your false lies and dishonesty and false love I hide behind a mask. For it's because I trusted my heart and soul, instead of listening to the gut feelings that rips into the very fabric of my existence. Grabbing within the depth of my deepness within my being, as the whispers of silent tears flow down my face as I hide my face behind this mask as an disguise.