deepundergroundpoetry.com
Hemispheres
I. Cygnus X-1 Book II: Hemispheres
Once through the black hole we’ll get lost in space
We’ll come to a place where eternal gods dwell
We witness the battle between heart and mind
And until the immortals hear our silent cry
We can converse with them to find balance
II. Circumstances
Disillusioned with what life has been so far?
Find the strength to go out experience it all
Find the confidence within yourself
Take chances regardless of circumstances
Otherwise, time and life will laugh at you
III. The Trees
Be careful what you wish for
Regardless of what our point of view may be
Because although we may not all be equal
Sometimes consequences can turn unexpectedly
May be then all our beliefs may change…
IV. La Villa Strangiato
Each movement, a ride, a bizarre dream
A stream of consciousness like you’ve never heard
But the scene is strange enough to be enticed
Entranced by the sheer musical virtuosity
And most likely this will never be seen ever again
Published 15th Aug 2020
| Edited 21st Aug 2020
Author's Note
For the Sgt. Pepper’s Hunky Dory Yellow Brick Road comp
Inspired by Rush's 1977 Album - Hemispheres
Inspired by Rush's 1977 Album - Hemispheres
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
19th Aug 2020 2:19pm
I am intrigued by the arch suggested by the subtitles: Hemispheres – Circumstances – The Trees – La Villa Strangiato
With a few tweaks the journey through this poem could be a true fun ride, a more exciting experience.
A couple of suggestions:
– Once trough the black hole – should it be through the black hole?
– Let’s be careful with what wish for – Let’s be careful with what WE wish for?
– 1st stanza – try 'We' instead of 'We'll'
– Take the chances regardless of circumstances – Take chances regardless of circumstances
– Let’s be careful with what wish for – Be careful what you wish for
(this is a known saying – a cliché – so you might as well go the whole hog. In the previous stanza you are addressing the reader, so it would be more powerful if you ramp it up to a direct 'you'.)
– the passive tense in the last three lines weaken the dynamic movement of the poem. Especially since the 4th stanza is about movement – a ride, no less – as a reader, active verbs would enable me to engage in that ride.
x
VB
With a few tweaks the journey through this poem could be a true fun ride, a more exciting experience.
A couple of suggestions:
– Once trough the black hole – should it be through the black hole?
– Let’s be careful with what wish for – Let’s be careful with what WE wish for?
– 1st stanza – try 'We' instead of 'We'll'
– Take the chances regardless of circumstances – Take chances regardless of circumstances
– Let’s be careful with what wish for – Be careful what you wish for
(this is a known saying – a cliché – so you might as well go the whole hog. In the previous stanza you are addressing the reader, so it would be more powerful if you ramp it up to a direct 'you'.)
– the passive tense in the last three lines weaken the dynamic movement of the poem. Especially since the 4th stanza is about movement – a ride, no less – as a reader, active verbs would enable me to engage in that ride.
x
VB
20th Aug 2020 8:35pm
Thank you very much Veronika for stopping by and giving me excellent pointers. I think in the excite and rush (no pun intended) to post it I missed some obvious things and didn't enter as a strong structure. I've made the corrections.
I'm still thinking of reworking the 4th stanza sometime later in the future simply because the song itself is a rarity even by prog rock standards.
I'm still thinking of reworking the 4th stanza sometime later in the future simply because the song itself is a rarity even by prog rock standards.
20th Aug 2020 9:26pm
Oh, interesting! I didn't realise it's a song.
Look forward to seeing its evolution
x
V
Look forward to seeing its evolution
x
V
