deepundergroundpoetry.com

If I Could Have Saved You

tears slowly roll down my cheeks
trying to make sense of the pain and anger
I felt learning how your precious life
was so viciously taken while citizens
stood by
watching…recording…begging
on your behalf

I couldn’t bear to watch
the entire video
I closed the tab

and all I could think was
how could this possibly
be real and I started to judge
them all
those who stood by

why didn’t they forcefully intervene
to meet an incomprehensible crime
with equally justifiable violence

I condemn them knowing it’s easy
to do so from afar, unable to gauge
what I would’ve done had I been there

perhaps my fear would’ve been greater than theirs
perhaps my cowardice would’ve rendered me motionless
in the face of such senseless horror

there are moments when
I feel that this must have just been
the worst nightmare
that we will wake up and that
the ending would be much different
it would be traumatic
but you would still be here

our tears flow
caressing our cheeks
knowing that the nightmare
has not ended and that
our pain cannot ever compare to yours

we carry a global guilt as we try
to reconcile what you suffered
with our inaction

knowing that in your darkest hour
we ultimately failed you
we let you perish
frightened and alone
while the world watched

our collective sorrow cannot bring you back
our collective anger cannot make right
how you were savagely wronged

you were a total stranger though somehow I felt
as if you were a good friend, but neither my sadness nor my tears
can change what happened that fateful day

I am so sorry I wasn’t there
I am so very sorry you were there
Written by latrekista (La Trekista Lola)
Published
Author's Note
I wrote this a few days after the horrific murder of Mr. George Floyd on 25 May 2020 in Minneapolis. Reflecting on how I thought he'd still be alive had I been there. Grappling with my anger towards and judgment of those who bore witness that day. I wrote this piece to remind myself that I have no right to judge others, especially since I was not there and do not know what I would have done.
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