diary entry for today 10th August 2020

wish i could just fuck off somewhere, preferably to another planet, and to quote my mother " i don't know why people worry about hell, because we're already here!" perhaps a parallel world, where there is no religion, or politics, or murder, or rape,or prejudice, or abuse, where people are just their nice pleasant beautiful selves. but life's a bitch, and then you die. i sometimes wish i hadn't survived the heart ops. i serve no usefulness, or purpose, and seemed destined to be on my own,any likelihood of romance diminishes with age,long before any virus came to town, and any recent events, are merely a catalyst of a lifetime of loss. my sadness when i do die, is that all my writings, will be dumped in black sacks, and taken to the tip, and it'll be, as if my thoughts, loves, and sadnesses, never existed. it's ironic, that i spent my childhood wishing i'd never been born, and i'll eventually leave my mortal coil, as if i had never even existed....love to all, especially my daughter x