KJK

I look at you now, and can’t help but feel the sting of regret meshing uncomfortably upon the fondness that still lingers deep within, for you.    
 
I regret the pain felt when your father, in his staunch Scottish accent made it clear that a girl of my complexion wasn’t welcome in his home.    
   
That, was the first shattering.  
   
I then regret crawling into the bottle after you pulled me out of my addiction with powders.    
   
I regret evading your love, and affection for me and disappearing for days on end to self medicate, at the end of our relationship.    
   
At 16, I wondered what a 21 year old man wanted with me, though the year and a bit we spent together was a year which enabled me to flourish & blossom, before hitting rock bottom when it was apparent I wasn’t good enough for you.    
   
That, was the second shattering.    
   
The disdain across your cleanskin face when I got that celtic tattoo, made me giggle.    
   
It was the look of shock horror and absolute outrage but everyday you would seek me out, and we would drive endlessly for hours on end for many months before we even kissed but the way your hand fit within mine, gave me a smidgen of hope when I was in a very dark place.    
   
I still can’t determine whether it’s the reason why you’re covered in full sleeve tattoos now, some 25 years later.    
   
And, the final straw was when we decided to part ways as I was falling back into my addiction.

Triggered, by the roller coaster of emotions pertaining to how I couldn’t deal with the intensity of our relationship, and the way it evolved.  
   
Your hair is no longer blonde but your blue eyes still give me butterflies even though they’re encased by wrinkles, and I haven’t forgotten hanging upon your arms like balustrades whilst clinging to your 6 foot athletic frame.  
   
No one has ever eaten me the way you did, and nor has another man ever taken such care with my body as you did.    
   
Your thick grey hair reminds me just how much we’ve aged, and the way my cousin pursued you post our relationship was entirely unforgivable.    
   
I have never spoken to her since but I know you loved me, which is why she went ballistic, and you were both unable to make it work.    
   
The love child you both had is a beautiful young woman that I will never ever meet, even though she’s my niece, by blood.    
   
And well, you were the first of many men to break my heart, and you’re the only one, that I ever truly forgave.  
   
Maybe, that’s because you had the biggest cock in the world.    
   
No, seriously that’s not why.    
   
It was the way you held my hand, kissed me, ran your fingers through my hair and held me ever so tight against you, post  handling me with such care until we got rough; a little too rough.  
   
I still miss the thriving social life we shared, once upon a time ! Those, were more than just good times.  
   
Please god, don’t ever let anything happen to him as that would feel like losing him all over again.