Dante's Finest Part I: Kill All Vampires

The name's Gerald Harker, please call me GG.
I come from the wastelands of Dante, Missouri,  
Where the hicks are enlightened with the power of Wicca and the satyr jocks are horny for nymphs.  
Two bitch sisters and a brother named Scott, just like me he was a little bit off.  
Before leaving to join the marines, he told me to do one thing:  
Kill all vampires.  
Kill all vampires, stick em up to hell.  
Pull out their teeth and chop off their heads.  
Do what you can and whatever you do, if you get bitten, there's no help for you.  
 
When the gods had finally sent Scott home, he became a changed man.  
The only person he wanted was me, a kid not even the age of ten.  
With the blood of the undead on his stake, all he wanted was to get baked.  
On the last day of his life, he cried to me about the things he seen and done.  
Outside a dark shady bar came the vampires... And just like that, he was gone.  
Kill all vampires, stick em up to hell.  
Pull out their teeth and chop off their heads.  
Do what you can and whatever you do, if you get bitten, there's no help for you.  
 
Kill all vampires, that's what I'll do.