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deepundergroundpoetry.com
Infinite Shatter: The Eulogy of Two
Sir,
I dressed per your orders. Lavender and black under my clothes so my pale skin might look bruised. Purple in my hair to highlight my 'begging and needy eyes'. Black top, black skirt. I followed protocol, Sir.
Permission to bring up an issue that needs urgent attention, Sir. Thank you.
Last night was complicated, because after you left (as well you should have) I started thinking. Thinking, as my family says, is a highly dangerous activity for me. I'm analytical, empathetic, extraordinarily self-aware and it serves to make me incapable of being lulled into a belief that isn't true even if I wanted to.
Andrian, I ask this in the greatest respect, without emotion of any sort.
I truly appreciate that you are busy. You work two incredibly demanding jobs, sleep very little, and run around like crazy. You also have two kids who need you, and no help from your ex wife or partner at the time. Your partner will return to you in August by your own admission. She will need -rightfully so- time and attention from you, and you all will need time to be a family again.
Strip away the emotions, and please answer these two questions with brutal honesty:
Do you truly feel that you can be the Dominant I need with all the other obligations in your life?
Is it right to ask you to take time from your children to spend with me? Is it even right (or fair) to add on the additional responsibility of a submissive when your own partner is due to return to you? Poly or not, whether she is into the dynamic or not, is it right for her? For your relationship with her? And no, this is not a power play for more time with you, I assure you.
The difference between you and I, Sir, is that the things I am busy with (mostly) can always be done at a different time. And there will come a time where (please Gd) I will be busy again, the High Holidays are coming soon, and I will literally be unavailable for days. That is unfair to Sir. I will never speak for what you want but I see it as an incredible disservice to you.
In addition, I cannot help but be aware of the fact that you do have a partner returning to you. She will need you, and she has a right to your undivided attention that far surpasses my own. The possible thought that I am taking something from someone else that is not freely (or freely able to be given) is abhorrent.
Sir knows of my devotion to him. Let me clear: this is not me asking for more time, or a cheap way to get out of this. I know what to do if I truly want that.
All I am requesting is that you consider all angles, and if you have I apologize. However, I refuse to apologize for making sure a potential landmine is defused quickly. Should you come to the conclusion that our dynamic is indeed not a proper fit, I most respectfully request to be released from service immediately so as my emotions are unable to further deepen.
I care for you entirely. I care for Sir, I care for Beastie and Andrian too. I cannot accept a scenario where others need to have something taken away for something I need. No matter how beautiful the lie, I will never be able to believe it much less live it.
I am
Echo
Echo
You're a great human being. Not only did I consider it but was probably going to address it before you had I not gotten distracted by a call from a friend, whose child is currently battling serious illness
My thoughts are on the same wavelength, I don't have the time you deserve, and I also don't want to be selfish and hold back your desire to explore.
So with frankly some pain in my heart, I'm releasing you from your obligation to serve me. I wish you all the best in all your endeavors and I wish the circumstances were better because you and I could have created something beautiful.
Andrian
I dressed per your orders. Lavender and black under my clothes so my pale skin might look bruised. Purple in my hair to highlight my 'begging and needy eyes'. Black top, black skirt. I followed protocol, Sir.
Permission to bring up an issue that needs urgent attention, Sir. Thank you.
Last night was complicated, because after you left (as well you should have) I started thinking. Thinking, as my family says, is a highly dangerous activity for me. I'm analytical, empathetic, extraordinarily self-aware and it serves to make me incapable of being lulled into a belief that isn't true even if I wanted to.
Andrian, I ask this in the greatest respect, without emotion of any sort.
I truly appreciate that you are busy. You work two incredibly demanding jobs, sleep very little, and run around like crazy. You also have two kids who need you, and no help from your ex wife or partner at the time. Your partner will return to you in August by your own admission. She will need -rightfully so- time and attention from you, and you all will need time to be a family again.
Strip away the emotions, and please answer these two questions with brutal honesty:
Do you truly feel that you can be the Dominant I need with all the other obligations in your life?
Is it right to ask you to take time from your children to spend with me? Is it even right (or fair) to add on the additional responsibility of a submissive when your own partner is due to return to you? Poly or not, whether she is into the dynamic or not, is it right for her? For your relationship with her? And no, this is not a power play for more time with you, I assure you.
The difference between you and I, Sir, is that the things I am busy with (mostly) can always be done at a different time. And there will come a time where (please Gd) I will be busy again, the High Holidays are coming soon, and I will literally be unavailable for days. That is unfair to Sir. I will never speak for what you want but I see it as an incredible disservice to you.
In addition, I cannot help but be aware of the fact that you do have a partner returning to you. She will need you, and she has a right to your undivided attention that far surpasses my own. The possible thought that I am taking something from someone else that is not freely (or freely able to be given) is abhorrent.
Sir knows of my devotion to him. Let me clear: this is not me asking for more time, or a cheap way to get out of this. I know what to do if I truly want that.
All I am requesting is that you consider all angles, and if you have I apologize. However, I refuse to apologize for making sure a potential landmine is defused quickly. Should you come to the conclusion that our dynamic is indeed not a proper fit, I most respectfully request to be released from service immediately so as my emotions are unable to further deepen.
I care for you entirely. I care for Sir, I care for Beastie and Andrian too. I cannot accept a scenario where others need to have something taken away for something I need. No matter how beautiful the lie, I will never be able to believe it much less live it.
I am
Echo
Echo
You're a great human being. Not only did I consider it but was probably going to address it before you had I not gotten distracted by a call from a friend, whose child is currently battling serious illness
My thoughts are on the same wavelength, I don't have the time you deserve, and I also don't want to be selfish and hold back your desire to explore.
So with frankly some pain in my heart, I'm releasing you from your obligation to serve me. I wish you all the best in all your endeavors and I wish the circumstances were better because you and I could have created something beautiful.
Andrian
Published 10th Jul 2020
| Edited 21st Sep 2022
Author's Note
I waited years to find a Dominant that met my extremely specific criteria. After a week of finding them, it was obvious it wouldn't work. This letter highlights the wisdom and strength of the submissive, as I see it. My words (as the submissive) are in bold as they are the focus. His response is in italic.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
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The author encourages honest critique.
10th Jul 2020 3:53pm
Powerful resignation, but if doesn't fit requirements time to go
Great job
Great job
31st Jul 2020 9:44pm
When I first saw this posted I assumed it would be erotica. But here is something even more fascinating. An expression of the relationship between sub and dominant in all its complexity. What a wonderful surprise to come across this piece. It is an emotional journey into the heart of the complications that can happen in such a relationship.
John
John
26th Sep 2022 12:22pm
