I'm entrenched in thought.
Center focused as i dig my moat.
Encircled by treacherous water i guide around me.
Safe, surrounded, and isolated.
And it's on my island where i become my own hero.
Attempting in lies to save myself.
Lies to my own.
Pure truth outward to everyone else.
I could sacrifice myself.
In an instant, knowing it could only be for the betterment.
Snuffed by personal choice that may in time be once lended the name of necessity.
For if i were to fade, chains would rust into joy.
As i dismiss the so called rules of other men before, and their attempts to mold others. Easily, i have the ability to expose their lies for my truth.
Let us begin at the temptation of ending:
With love so pure and grand.
Destined and willing of nothing more than to see the seed rise forth.
Guiding it in the Sun until it's strength can carry itself.
Rooted, to remove my crutch from stem.
Fleeing, in a time that my shade no longer casts over it.
It's the simplicity of self sacrifice i hold inside, calling my name and whispering fate.
Or so I'm told. To myself.
Happiness at fingers length with seems like my hand around your ankle.
Desperate just to touch, in contemplation of letting go.
Not for myself i say.
But what greater showcase of love than for me to drift aside?
As a lesser being, my knowledge is superior of myself.
Of such capabilities....
And lack there of.
My greatest gift of realizing my burdensome habits.
The grip of my undertow to drown all who lend my ways.
So it bares and wrestles in my skull, tugs and saws. Whether i know better or convince otherwise.
In time... if not already... i will become the weight to shed.
Chained to anvil, though i too am the key.
The greatest gift i could endure would be to disappear.
And allow the person better to step in.
For standing in guard only hinders the view that i know you would eventually deserve.
Well deserved for both.
And through the cloud of self deprication stands truth.
Shrouded and cloaked like death.
Mysterious and plain to witness.
For if i leave it would be to make way for true happiness.
That claws at my back attempting to reach your heart.
Feet planted in it's path.
Shining from behind so that i appear glorious.
In the entirety, holding thought that i am an eclipse.
And if i moved aside it could easily be reached.
Appearing to be savior donned in halo.
Wondering myself if my own happiness resembles such facade.
So i wonder if i truly hinder.
It creeps in and reminds myself of my unworthiness.
And this is fact, and this i know, and this i struggle.
Of how large this breath of smoke truly let's out is mine,
Or lungs filled of shadow.
And i would run.
But i haven't yet.
The architect has drawn out nay a plan of doing.
But it calls and saturates my nerves and veins.
Surrounding me at time, this moated brain.
That if truly loving it seems i would stand back?
Not for martyrdom but for fading.
To allow the deserved joy to flood your life.
So my drought will never touch your land.
And what is love if not such a sacrifice to make?
And in question forms another; What is devotion but of sacrifice to overcome?
Will my path adjoining yours lead to more hills where smooth plain would otherwise be an optional course?
For my fear is only of faiure.