Untitled........

I put my pen to the paper
in attempts to paint a perfect picture,
to project the presence
of that eternal essence
within..
but the flow occasionally slows
and shows no signs as to
when it may pick back up again,
perhaps my mind is backed up
and I'm still stuck..
digging myself deeper
 with these despairing thoughts..
buried alive
in the dark
I'm caught
and desperately want out..

Can't always manage my madness
or the damaging doubt
mounting drastically,
winding me down..
driving me wild..
while I lose the will to stay chill
along with the urge to
spill my soul and guts
as my pen stays untouched and notebooks get opened less
 and last longer..
the passion pulls back and passes by
so suddenly slipping away..
as I just laze in this daze all day
living in limbo
engaged in nothing,
no love no light no shadows no hate
nothing to assimilate
no fate formed or felt..
it's an aimless existence and I'm
shameless in my dedication to
remaining distant..

Inside
I die...
only to rise again
when I begin to sense a certain
carelessness come over me
cause I'm over the
anguish and lingering languidness
I've aimed to dismiss but fail
to truly get a grip
and my persistent pessimistic
ponderings only lead to me wandering
while paying no heed
to thy mental habits
and psychological traps..

There's no escape only enhancement
and detachment from disastrous
ways of being and modes of thinking..