What will you do?

What will you do
When you find out my secret
I’ve tried to explain it
But I choke and I keep it

You love me each day
Just a little bit more
You say that I’m special
That I’m what you live for

I know that I’m good
That I have a good heart
That I’ll never betray you
Or set us apart

But I think that you’re waiting
For a better version of me
I’m not getting better
What you get is what you see

How can I tell you
That I’m nothing but basic
That I’m nobody special
But for you I still fake it

You have lifted me up
Like a spoiled princess
But you’re so mistaken
And I cannot confess

How can I tell you
And not let you down
And then what will happen
Will you leave? Stick around?

I am no statistic
I’m not even a number
Probably less than average
I can’t rise I just tumble

I never get to reach them
Not a one of my goals
I barely get to start them
My madness always grabs hold

I can not stick to anything
I let myself down
My loved ones can’t handle me
It is just you around

If you find out and leave me
I know I’ll understand
But my mind isn’t like me
And it’ll have the upper hand

It doesn’t listen to no
Deals less with rejection
It’ll wonder and stalk you
While I spiral in depression

My mind doesn’t know
The best interest for me
It wants what it wants
Whether or not I agree

I’m afraid if you leave
I’ll be all by myself
Won’t have no one to praise me
Won’t take care of my health

I’ll line up the shots
The only way my mind quiets
I’ll drink every day
Numbs the pain, you should try it

Not sure how I’ll get through
The day when it comes
I’m afraid of what happens
Of what I’ll become

Without you my world
Loses color and hope
And knowing my past
I don’t know how to cope

I’ll follow my mind
I’ll let it lead the way
I’ll fight the whole time
It’ll lead me astray

But at some point
I’ll have to give up on the fight
And I’ll do what it tells me
With a gun or a knife

Those are my thoughts
Running around in my head
My mind is persistent
It won’t stop till I’m dead