Had a really bad week

Had a really bad week
No idea how this ends
No one understands me
No family, no friends
I’m lost in my thoughts
Can’t believe how they race
They scramble my thinking
No matter the place
I’m under the covers
I’m shaking, I’m hot
These chills hold me captive
Sit stare at the clock
Don’t know how they do it
How most want to go on
When everything lets you down
Play yourself a sad song
I wallow in pity
I feel bad for myself
I should wanna do something
Read books from my shelf
The old me just left me
It’s broken my soul
I can’t tell you when
But I died long ago
Before I stopped reading
Before I stopped caring
I used to not sleep
To feel life, I was daring
I used to wake up
With a smile on my face
Looking forward to living
So much fun that took place
But somewhere I got lost
And my brain kinda broke
It revived a dark spot
That darkness it awoke
It starts up in the morning
As I start off my day
I’m hopeless, undeserving
So much hate they display
So I lay here and wait
For the woman I once was
Hoping she’ll come back
Does it hurt? Yes it does
To know I’m gone that I left
Ran from love
I had all I wanted
I had all the above
I’m trying to fix it
To bring her right back
And I’ll never give up
Though this trains off the track
I mourn for her often
And don’t think she’ll return
But I still have to try
For the life that I yearn
The new me awaits
It sits back as time flies
It wants to attack
Makes me write these goodbyes
The battle is on now
Between the dead and alive
Hope I find myself back
But I doubt I’ll survive