in the end we all have daddy isssues.

Let me start this off by saying that I love my mom and dad. Don't take things out of context and don't judge me. You cannot assume what someone is feeling.

When I was little, my mom would stay up until all hours of the night, just waiting for my dad to get home. I didn't know what he was doing out so late, all I knew was that my mom was sad. I knew I could hear her crying. And I knew that in the morning she would act like everything was okay. Love is strange sometimes.

My mom waited for my dad for years, not always literally, but figuratively as well, because she cared about him so much. And she knew he cared about us in no uncertain terms, and still does. Part of the reason she waited was that she was afraid. She didn't want to do it alone, not because she didn't think she could, but because she thought that it would negatively effect our family more than it would positively effect her life. So she rationalized. She loved him, after all. And that was something to hold onto while she waited.

And she waited.

I can see myself waiting for you. I feel like I'm waiting already. I made the realization today that I can see you starting to do some of the same stuff my dad did. And I'll do the things my mom did, because I love you. But I don't want to be my mother. Nothing against her. But I don't want to be sad like she was on those nights. I don't want to wonder. I don't want to see the things I love so much about you fade away from disuse, or get clouded in smoke.

But I want you to be happy because I care about you so much.
I will rationalize. You haven't done anything wrong. I know you care about me.
Maybe you'll get a hold of yourself.
Maybe you're not like my father.
And that's what I'll hold onto while I wait.