Once Upon a What If....

Sitting close to shadow,
Not quite in the black,
But deeply into the gray,
Where I can hear my heart tick-tock,
Where I can feel my blood running its course,
Where my mind leaps and pirouettes.

It is in the quiet stillness of this twilight place,
When fantasies arrive unbidden and unwanted,
Where questions dance and careen with no end,
This is where loneliness born of hope lives,
Apart from smiles and summer heat,
Tucked deep inside situational comedy.

What would come of it?
If I reached out and touched your hand.
What would happen?
If you opened your door to find me upon the welcome mat.
What would you say?
If I proclaimed my love openly and unabashed.

What if I could say I love you and always have and always will?
What if I could invite you into my body and my heart and my soul?
What if I could throw myself at your feet in a piteous display of desire and need?
What if I cried and clung to you?
What if I told you everything, that I never want to leave, that I never want to be without you?
What if I could turn the bashful laugh aside and admit to longing?

What if, for once, I did not make light of us?
What if, for once, I showed the seriousness of my intent?
What if, right now, I dialed your number and said your name?
What if, right now, I packed my life into bags and struck out for you?
What if…
What if……

As the voices swirl and questions dart,
I find myself breathing away the trepidation,
I release the unknown back to its native realms.
I carefully fold up such childish visions,
I slowly slip all the unspoken between the pages,
Of another book of fairy tales.