the crush of it

We worry about money
like worrying it will fix what's wrong
you blame me for what you call frivolous spending
like the holes in my shoes
will make it through the winter
without getting wider
I blame you for your addictions
without saying a word
because I don't need to
when you say what's already unspoken
by my lips
our lives would be easier
if you knew how to stop

We worry about money
like worrying it will fix what's wrong
like worrying will buy us a new bed
one that doesn't have us going to sleep young
and waking up feeling like we're 80

And I wonder if I should get a loan
wonder how much I could reasonably borrow
that wouldn't break us to pay back
and I wonder why the basic living essentials
are so fucking expensive
that it's amazing almost every household
can afford them
and I wonder how many people are like us
juggling money like it's fire
waiting for someone to drop a ball
and set our whole lives aflame
with one bad decision
or one bad day

We worry about money
like worrying it will fix what's wrong
and I don't know how to make
this crushing existence easier to bear
because no amount of YouTube videos
on passive income
or cracking the stock market
are going to save us
when we're lucky no one's turned off
the electricity this month

We worry about money

© Indie Adams 2020