MIND OF A MANIC

welcome
to the mind of a manic
constant confusion
forever in a state of panic
never knowing what i want
ruining every thing i touch
pushing people away
refusing love
yet needing it so much
i hate this life
its like a curse
like a big play
that i forgot to rehearse
a constant failure
a complete mess inside
i feel isolated
but its because i hide
i can clearly see the problems
but im helpless
3am
im in full makeup and a dress
dont know what to do
feeling lost
what am i doing, i havent a clue
just want sleep
yet it evades me still
i know it should come
but know it never will