Ana Mia

I’m fighting with Ana, I battle with Mia
I shut my eyes closed, but I still fuckin see ya
I know that I’m strong, my mind is all set
Let’s see who comes at me, let’s see who is next
I woke up this morning, same coffee routine
So far it’s all fine, at least, that’s what it seems
I leave for my run, two miles at least
Still it’s all good, my mind is at peace
The day it goes on, till the time that I dread
The weekend’s for Mia, for now Ana is dead
The family goes out, to some damn restaurant
My mind begs to stay, but it’s not what I want
The key to it all, is to just play along
They bring out the bread, now the battle is on
I think to myself, it’s just a small slice
I butter it up, end up doing it twice
I eat the brown bread, it’s part of the plan
I just ate a loaf, ate all that I can
Then come the fries, I’ll just have the one
It turns into two, so now Mia has won
Regret every bite, every savory taste
I gobble down dinner, now there’s no time to waste
I drank enough water, it makes it more easy
Just filled myself up, in my mind start to tease me
We get to the house, run, turn on the shower
Get clothes and a towel, open sink to full power
I’m locking the door, then turn on the fan
Mia is here, at the toilet I stand
I purge with a toothbrush, it goes back all the way
Shit starts to come up, I’m starting to sway
I grip on the seat, as I pray, I’m devout
Hope to see brown, need to get it all out
I punish myself for all that I eat
I drink from the faucet, the water is sweet
I’m finally done, Mia won after all
I stand in the shower, hold myself to the wall
I wash all the vomit, remove any remains
I feel so accomplished, it’s all in my brain
Everyday a new battle, but I’m winning the war
Most days I’m with Ana, it’s what I live for
I’m frightened to eat, it’s been years but I’m back
It wasn’t so hard, they knew when to attack
My stomach it growls, and I give it a punch
I take a small bite, maybe two is my lunch
I count out each calorie, keeping tabs on my food
I burn it all off, while I run, all I chewed
I get on the scale, maybe ten times a day
Each day I get worse, till I change what I weigh
I researched it all, I looked up all the tricks
I’m eating enough to keep from getting sick
I drink enough water, I smoke up a pack
Whatever it takes, to keep me on track
They’ve taken me over, taking turns everyday
I’ve accepted the challenge, learning to live this way
In the mirror I stand, naked, alone and afraid
I pinch on the fat, dream to make it all fade
I’m coming to terms with the life that I chose
Either starving all day, or with vomited toes
In the end, after all of the fights that I battle
There is only one thing, that I think seems to matter
Either way I have won, each day down a bit more
As long as I’m not the me I was before