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Someone I Loved (And Still Love)

You were once someone who I fully loved
As those moments we shared turned into
Distant and far away memories. I shoved
Everything aside, hoping I can forget you

And the way you made me feel. You are
Not here to help me get through all those
Lonely and empty nights. The bright star
You helped me find is there, but the rose

Along with our love died during the middle
Of spring. I had to learn to love the sound
Of walking away as I played second fiddle
To your very first priority. The word around

The street is that I moved on and maybe
You have too, but we both pulled the rug.
We both gave up when it was hard to see
The light at the end of the tunnel. I tugged

Myself out of all those flashbacks in which
I really wanted everything back to how it
Was before; easy and would never switch
Up on each other, but we can no longer fit

Together. All we can do is wish each other
The best and hope that we both can find
Love we search for. Love that can smother
And does not hurt. Love that is both kind

And patient. Love that does not keep us
Second-guessing. Love that is never little
Or too big. On the merry go round and bus
Of life we only keep going until the brittle

Edges of our hearts were breaking. This
Taught me the love never goes away even
When I wanted to hate someone. The bliss
That we had is all I craved and believed in.

Our story and chapter comes to an end,
But in them lays a person I loved. Scratch
That... a person I still love today. I blend
In hoping that you do not knows I catch

Or carry feelings for you. I wear your shirt
In the hopes that I will not forget you and
How it still brings me comfort. We skirt,
Dodge and avoid the past pain. I handed

You parts of me and pretend to be content
Even when my heart is still missing the old
You. It is your familiar touch and scent
That I long for. The “come here” as cold

Days and nights became way warmer with
Your rich voice. All I longed for was to love
You infinitely but love like that is a myth
And fable. Something we can only think of

As the world keeps turning and it always
Comes down to the fact that I have to live
A better life so when we meet again days
Or years later, we will be ready to give

Love a chance that it really deserves. But
For now I think about the what ifs. What if
We just kept trying? What if I tried to shut
Off insecurities we carried? Pour me a stiff

Drink and let’s drink to forget about life.
Let’s drink to forget about love seeping
Through our veins. I wanted to be a wife
Or partner through it all, regularly keeping

You safe and protected from the world
Tossing its leftovers at your feet. I wanted
To be the reason for your smiles, curled.
I cannot let the bad things that haunted

Us to be a mistake as our biggest mistake
Was screaming “I love you” and we were
Too way too late. We were too late to take
The biggest risk of all, having tears blur

Our vision, but we were still willing to fall
Again. I felt like a soldier ready to fight
Because that is all I wanted, but the wall
Went back up again and we lost the light.

So no, I will never be forgetting your love,
Even if I was starting to love someone else
As you are my first love, wearing a glove
To protect something gentle and complex.
eswaller
Written by eswaller
Published
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