deepundergroundpoetry.com
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The Apple
Eyes at my back, impending attack
The direction it's comin from pushed me off track
Breakin my neck to sip from the Grail
Blind to the stench that layers Betrayal
While my seeds get crushed just for the taste
Of a toxic fruit with an aging face
Sweet on the outside, bitter within
She's Cooing delicate melodies to get under your skin
The strength of my roots remain Strange to defeat
You'll have to dig for a Lifetime to unearth me
Building an Empire on the back of my hand
While your Legacy crumbles, washed away with the sand...
The direction it's comin from pushed me off track
Breakin my neck to sip from the Grail
Blind to the stench that layers Betrayal
While my seeds get crushed just for the taste
Of a toxic fruit with an aging face
Sweet on the outside, bitter within
She's Cooing delicate melodies to get under your skin
The strength of my roots remain Strange to defeat
You'll have to dig for a Lifetime to unearth me
Building an Empire on the back of my hand
While your Legacy crumbles, washed away with the sand...
Author's Note
I have been trying to complete this one for a while, but every time I circle back it kicks me off the page.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 16
reads 757
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. The Apple
8th May 2020 8:14am
"Of a toxic fruit with an aging face" ... love this line ... nice poeting ... also like how certain words are capitalized that are not at the start of a line ... so Emily Dickinson ...
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Re: Re. The Apple
9th May 2020 6:33am
Thank you. You are the only person that has ever caught that influence. Keen eye.
Re. The Apple
8th May 2020 5:54pm
Betrayal and conflict are always toxic. You have to grieve and move on from the problem. Keep on writing.
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Re. The Apple
9th May 2020 00:43am
Building an Empire on the back of my hand
While your Legacy crumbles, washed away with the sand...
I see some ink that can be more exploited here. another amazing write
While your Legacy crumbles, washed away with the sand...
I see some ink that can be more exploited here. another amazing write
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Re: Re. The Apple
9th May 2020 6:35am
Re. The Apple
9th May 2020 4:28pm
I know the feeling. Trying to get a poem sounding right is sometimes tricky. Sounds like it's about a lover that's bothering you but it's about an apple also. This write's no bad apple by any stretch.
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Re: Re. The Apple
9th May 2020 6:51pm
Re: Re. The Apple
There's only so much you can tinker with a poem before it completely loses its meaning, lol,
I know because I've been there too.
I would copy an original draft firstly so that you can refer to it should you decide to change things later on.
What's bothering you most, is it the 'me' approximate rhyme line?
I know because I've been there too.
I would copy an original draft firstly so that you can refer to it should you decide to change things later on.
What's bothering you most, is it the 'me' approximate rhyme line?
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Re: Re. The Apple
9th May 2020 7:10pm
My head space is different from when I started it. It's birthed other pieces in its construction and I'm beginning to think that was its purpose. It may end up stitched to something else when I feel that surge again.
Re: Re. The Apple
9th May 2020 7:12pm
Don't get me wrong. I'd be happy writing something like yours in its present form, if it makes you feel any better.
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Re: Re. The Apple
9th May 2020 7:14pm
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Oct 2022 6:45pm
9th May 2020 5:44pm
<< post removed >>
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Re: Re. The Apple
9th May 2020 6:52pm
Re. The Apple
13th May 2020 6:21pm
The flow is tight as heck, but we don't know why it makes us think of something biblical. It's probably just our mind doing strange things, tight piece Lady
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Re: Re. The Apple
14th May 2020 10:48am
Thank you for that kind praise! Also, you're spot on with the direction I was trying to find with this. Thank you.