I am More than My Anxiety

Sitting here, destroying another nail
afraid of how I might fail
At everything I set my mind to
All my life, I know it to be true

Looking back on a life full of mistakes
I remember feeling myself break

Sweaty palms, fingers digging into the grass
fragile, at any moment I could break, like glass
Shaking, I can't stay still
sweating, yet, I feel a chill
My heart is pounding in my ears
the tears in my eyes will clear
Eventually, the panic will go away
and I'll live to die another day

I pull up my knees and sit against the wall
music blaring in my ears, shutting  out the world, I let myself fall
Closing my eyes, I melt into the beat
to calm me down, nothing else could compete
Music has always been there
has always been essential, like air
Saved my life, kept me sane
kept bad thoughts from my brain
Protected me from myself, from what I might do
and helps me heal from everything I've already been through

A spiritual connection, a bond
that music, itself, spawned

Going to a concert, like a religious experience, put me in awe
how it connects us all left me vulnerable and raw
Opening me up to a new world, a new place
somewhere that would welcome me with an embrace
Maybe they could protect me from my demons
just maybe, guard me in my dreams
Protect  me from what I might do
when it's worse than just feeling blue

You've all kept me here
unaware but you saved me

The melody, the beat, the vibe
yo, trust me, the feeling is hard to describe
The faster the beat, the calmer I feel
listening to my favorites is how I deal
With everything going on
sometimes, I feel withdrawn
But music brings me back
and gets me on track
When  I just need to cry
to let go and say goodbye
To everything  that doesn't serve me well
I promise  on the past I won't dwell

I'll keep climbing
up and up, I go

When I need to rage
you help me break my cage
Build me up
when I'm torn down
Give me strength to live
when I have nothing left to give

Scream out my pain
help me break my chains
So you see, I was a life they all saved
and yeah, sometimes I still have thoughts, depraved
But now my life is just a search for peace
and all the toxicity from my life is being released
Until I'm to a place where I no longer have to wonder
who's in my life for better or worse, I've been left to ponder
Now, I'll put all negativity aside
I'll wish you  well with sincerity in my eyes

I know I'm not a saint
but in my life I've shown restraint

At times, I could have been ruthless
but decided to show compassion, violence is useless
This world won't break me
I've made myself safe
Nothing could truly destroy me anymore
I'll always remember who I am at my core



And to remind those going through something tough
that they have and will always be enough