deepundergroundpoetry.com
A Lonely Night (String of Haiku/Senryu)
Waves of loneliness
Wash over me as I lay
In my bed tonight
This heart feels heavy
From a strange achy feeling
I don't understand
Pain grips it, squeezing
At its tenderness piercing
My raw emotion
Silent tears roll down
My face from my misty eyes
On this lonely night
A haunting feeling
Bubbles from this foolish heart
Stirring from its cage
I wonder what stirs
The well of sadness in me
It comes unbidden
An unwelcome guest
That passes by my heart's door
To visit my night
#NaPoWriMo2019
Wash over me as I lay
In my bed tonight
This heart feels heavy
From a strange achy feeling
I don't understand
Pain grips it, squeezing
At its tenderness piercing
My raw emotion
Silent tears roll down
My face from my misty eyes
On this lonely night
A haunting feeling
Bubbles from this foolish heart
Stirring from its cage
I wonder what stirs
The well of sadness in me
It comes unbidden
An unwelcome guest
That passes by my heart's door
To visit my night
#NaPoWriMo2019
Published 5th May 2020
Author's Note
An old poem from NaPoWriMo2019 entry
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 3
comments 17
reads 436
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
5th May 2020 7:33pm
This was lovely and has an engaging candor. It is very relatable writing. My only suggestion would be to perhaps fill out the dimensions a bit by describing your body language, haptics, and the surroundings. How you describe what you see, hear, touch, it will be colored with your emotional state and bring the scene to life for the reader. 💖🙏
5th May 2020 7:51pm
Thank you for your suggestion and input.I'll remember that. I was only focus on what I was feeling at that time. This was from last year's entry🙂. I appreciate your visit Daniel🙏
5th May 2020 8:04pm
5th May 2020 8:07pm
I love your poem~ your use of verbs is unique and vivid~ it's a style I relate to as well. I often have moments where I feel as if I'm lonely but I don't know why, and those poems are often hard to explain to people. But, I know that if I were ever in that state again I would definitely read this. Your poem is short, but sometimes, to gain clarity, all one needs is a few words~ just enough to know someone feels the same, but not too much to feel more anxious.
5th May 2020 8:13pm
Thank you so much ohmy_engrish. There are times when we feel lonely out of the blue without knowing where that loneliness came from. It was one of those moments that inspired this write. I appreciate your visit and comment. 🌹❤🙂
I remember reading this and hoping you would post it, Summer. I always wondered why you didn't. This was one of my favorite from your collection. I love the form and the content is a bittersweet melody.
6th May 2020 1:47pm
Thanks Dear Ahavati. All my poems from last year's NaPo was posted directly on the thread. I went over the thread last night and copy it to my page. I was halfway through the posts last year when that incident happened here and I took a break from posting for a while. Thanks for your comment and RL. I really appreciate it. 🌹❤
6th May 2020 1:51pm
I know; I read it on the thread; however, you never posted to your personal page for comment. I am happy NaPo brought you home, and you're back posting full time now!
6th May 2020 10:49am
Dear S,
Beautiful write. “I wonder what stirs
The well of sadness in me
It comes unbidden ” this caught my attention, I won’t be thinking or feeling anything in particular, I’ll do something as mundane as turn my head and whoosh a sadness hits. Touching and truthful and lovely write. H🌷
Beautiful write. “I wonder what stirs
The well of sadness in me
It comes unbidden ” this caught my attention, I won’t be thinking or feeling anything in particular, I’ll do something as mundane as turn my head and whoosh a sadness hits. Touching and truthful and lovely write. H🌷
6th May 2020 1:51pm
Thanks Dear H. I'm glad you can relate to this post. Honored for your RL and comment 🌹❤
Regrets huh? We've all been there, especially after a few glasses of wine that tends to bring it all out.
A well written solem write, Summerrain. The oldies are the best, they say.
Sh*t man, I'm stayin' awake now! ;-)
A well written solem write, Summerrain. The oldies are the best, they say.
Sh*t man, I'm stayin' awake now! ;-)
Regrets? I don't know what brings out the loneliness but it's not regret. I don't have regrets over the choices I made in life 🙂 Thanks for your comment and visit Snaggy I appreciate it. 🙏😊
7th May 2020 2:37am
Regrets? I've had a few but too few to mention...
I guess I did it my way. ;-)
I guess I did it my way. ;-)
7th May 2020 2:51am
Lol 😂. OK I concede now. 🙂 I think everyone has regrets that are too few to mention. But I won't regret what I did for love 😁🤭
Ok, I think you should write a song about that. With your one line, there is the nucleus for a powerful love ballad. I'm not taking the piss, honestly. That line has me intrigued & I want to learn more!
7th May 2020 3:07am
Thanks for the encouragement Snaggy. I was just replying to your line from that song "My Way" with another song 🙂🙏
7th May 2020 3:15am
'I Won't Regret What I did For Love' lol. Ok, it's a bit 'Meatloaf' admittedly but it will be your very own take on it.
What didn't you regret for love, Summerrain? It's important, right? If not for me but for you to pen it, privately if you have to. We can read an 'edited version' of it sometime in the future maybe?
What didn't you regret for love, Summerrain? It's important, right? If not for me but for you to pen it, privately if you have to. We can read an 'edited version' of it sometime in the future maybe?
