Genuflect

It is dawn
 
I watch the dusty tilt and splinter
Of morning sun's soft emissions
I weave my fingers through them
And let them hold my need
 
My ache for the evenings before
when I bathed you  
And knew your body
And could smell your scent  
Strong and musky
where it was kept upon our bathroom shelf
 
My ache
she is strong
she remembers when
 
When comfort and care
And your arms were ever ready  
To pull around me
Wrapped carelessly  
 
Ghosts of you still wrap tight
 
You hold and squeeze  
And the twilight in that embrace
distorts the early sun
 
I feel torn
 
With the need to battle this obscurity
And with a shaking need  
to collect and keep it
 
My body urges me
It remembers when
 
So I often beg for it  
when it fades some
I had been crippled by my begging so
 
I believe it had crippled you as well
I must believe that to stay in this light
 
My posture dips
It remembers when  
 
I would get on my knees  
And would swallow you whole
My eyes on your desperate desire for release  
All the while
 
Now my eyes on this new day
Finding beauty on my fingertips
And pain in the memories that flutter it
 
My being wants to bend in that pain
It would feel natural
I think....
 
And i do again
 
But it would be a swallow
I could not choke
To watch your eye  
And it's ecstasy in release
 
A crushing blow  
It would keep me on my knees
 
so I rise
With this sun
And each day forward
To live and be gentle with it
To pray on these knees
I do not stay in this existence
In your evening  
And remembering
When
 
(I have known serenity in my stand. The next time I mean to keep it. That is my promise, to the next dawn and it's tilt again.)