Stuck In North Korea On LOCKDOWN!
I've been stranded in North Korea sadly, on lockdown!
Why oh why did I make the move?
Was seeking a career in North Korea,
To please our supreme leader; (you may know him by another name.)
But I have to watch what I say about 'Rocket Man!'
The main thing is, I can live,
As long as I toe the line,
And don't commit a crime!
Paranoia's rife but no worse than back at my UK sweat factory -
Fearing some ignorant f**ker's COVID-19 cough all over me!
Those Pyongyang chicks are pretty tasty too,
I wanna take advantage of every single one of 'em,
Banging on about the West and how great it is!
Are we any better than the folks in the Democratic People's Republic though -
How do or would we know?
Listen, I don't mind playing along,
Walking in uniform at exactly two meters from the next citizen.
But I must admit I'm hungry and could do with a big fat juicy cheeseburger right now -
With some bacon and egg placed on it, if I'm lucky; as I sit alone in my hotel room, no one else there.
Still, there are plenty of adverts for Colgate toothpaste,
If only I could actually find some in the local store!
I'll just have to get used to this new regime -
We talk in code, to the people we trust,
But who do we trust?
Just gotta keep my head down and show some appreciation,
Making sure I don't stop clapping before the next dotard has!!!
Wouldn't want to upset our supreme leader...
That's not because I don't want to; personally I think he's a big porker -
The only fat bastard you'll see in North Korea with a satellite dish, Sky TV, 5G,
Luxury hampers, champagne, caviar, the lot...
While fellow comrades struggle, queueing hours for a loaf of stale soddin' bread!
Gotta be nice though...it's just that I don't fancy being fed to a pack of hungry wolves,
Like our leader's poor uncle . . .