deepundergroundpoetry.com
THE OFFENDED WEASEL
THE OFFENDED WEASEL
A farmer used to have a lot of hens.
They were so fat and white and gave him eggs.
A weasel saw the coop and was so glad;
he started having all his meals from there.
The farmer lost a lot and got quite mad,
but he could not discover a good way
to keep the weasel far or change his mode;
he bought a gun and lurked behind the coop.
The weasel saw the farmer with a gun.
He got offended by the farmer's mien.
"Is this the way" he thought," a host behaves?
I will desert this most disgusting man."
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
A farmer used to have a lot of hens.
They were so fat and white and gave him eggs.
A weasel saw the coop and was so glad;
he started having all his meals from there.
The farmer lost a lot and got quite mad,
but he could not discover a good way
to keep the weasel far or change his mode;
he bought a gun and lurked behind the coop.
The weasel saw the farmer with a gun.
He got offended by the farmer's mien.
"Is this the way" he thought," a host behaves?
I will desert this most disgusting man."
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 8th Apr 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 11
reads 266
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
8th Apr 2020 3:16pm
Dear Baldwin,
Sorry, Baldwin. What do you think this kind of mistake is? Isn't it a typo? You want to correct a typo.
Sorry, Baldwin. What do you think this kind of mistake is? Isn't it a typo? You want to correct a typo.
8th Apr 2020 4:28pm
hen is not a collective noun. The farmer had a lot of henS The farmer had a large flock of henS.
And what's with the repetitive use of so, let alone the lack of a description of how fat "so fat" and how glad "so glad" was.
And the idea that the farmer was a host to the weasel is ridiculous. Host share what they have willingly.
And I think you've misunderstood what "mien" means. But of course, what guides your choice of words is your desire to create rhymes.
In any case, what's memorable about this "all tell, no show" piece? Where's the sparkling language? What charm does it possess? Will we ever see you posting something that is truly evocative, that uses concrete appeals to the senses to draw a reader inside an experience that you want to depict?
A predatory weasel saw
a farmer with a gun
sitting by what then was left
of all his weasel pilfered hens
so ready to unload
a bullet now and then
to make the weasel's head and limbs
undone.
"I'll scram from here",
the weasel said.
"Yes, given that my hunger for
a breast and leg
might bring about my death,
my acts of poaching chickens from this coop
no longer's any fun".
And what's with the repetitive use of so, let alone the lack of a description of how fat "so fat" and how glad "so glad" was.
And the idea that the farmer was a host to the weasel is ridiculous. Host share what they have willingly.
And I think you've misunderstood what "mien" means. But of course, what guides your choice of words is your desire to create rhymes.
In any case, what's memorable about this "all tell, no show" piece? Where's the sparkling language? What charm does it possess? Will we ever see you posting something that is truly evocative, that uses concrete appeals to the senses to draw a reader inside an experience that you want to depict?
A predatory weasel saw
a farmer with a gun
sitting by what then was left
of all his weasel pilfered hens
so ready to unload
a bullet now and then
to make the weasel's head and limbs
undone.
"I'll scram from here",
the weasel said.
"Yes, given that my hunger for
a breast and leg
might bring about my death,
my acts of poaching chickens from this coop
no longer's any fun".
8th Apr 2020 5:27pm
Dear Baldwin,
1-KIND/SORT: When we use KInd or Sort of, we don't use the indefinite articles A- AN before the singular noun. According to LONGMAN DICTIONARY OF CONTEMPORARY ENGLISH, we find: That kind of question is very difficult, and What kind of car is it? I think you should know that, Baldwin.
2-mien: According to the same dictionary: means a person's appearance, manner or expression of face. Please Baldwin, be sure of your comments before sending them to me because l am going to correct all your mistakes henceforth.
1-KIND/SORT: When we use KInd or Sort of, we don't use the indefinite articles A- AN before the singular noun. According to LONGMAN DICTIONARY OF CONTEMPORARY ENGLISH, we find: That kind of question is very difficult, and What kind of car is it? I think you should know that, Baldwin.
2-mien: According to the same dictionary: means a person's appearance, manner or expression of face. Please Baldwin, be sure of your comments before sending them to me because l am going to correct all your mistakes henceforth.
Ignoring the facts that I was using **your** wording, and that "what kind of a [mistake]" is an expression that, as Grammarly AND Longman note, is NOT grammatically incorrect (as your use of "hen" in your "a lot of hen" was) (see https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/a-kind-of-a-something see, too https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/61408/what-kind-of-a-person-vs-what-kind-of-person
and is frequently used
https://tinyurl.com/wmb6xnx
how is "What do you think **a kind of mistake** this is?" good English?
So the weasel got offended at the farmer's facial expression?
and is frequently used
https://tinyurl.com/wmb6xnx
how is "What do you think **a kind of mistake** this is?" good English?
So the weasel got offended at the farmer's facial expression?
8th Apr 2020 6:34pm
1-You said: What kind of a mistake . Is this correct?
2- not his facial expression which it can't see, but his manner which it can feel.
3-No. It should be: What do you think this kind of mistake is?
4- Please answer me as frankly as l do. Don't evade the frank answer as you usually act.
2- not his facial expression which it can't see, but his manner which it can feel.
3-No. It should be: What do you think this kind of mistake is?
4- Please answer me as frankly as l do. Don't evade the frank answer as you usually act.
"2- not his facial expression which it can't see, but his manner which it can feel."
Seriously? A weasel **feels** a person's manner? And didn't you say that he **could** see the farmer ("the weasel saw the farmer with a gun")?
"3-No. It should be: What do you think this kind of mistake is?"
So there are indeed times when you write poorly and ungrammatically.
"4- Please answer me as frankly as l do."
You answer yourself frankly?
"Don't evade the frank answer as you usually act".
Is this good English? Shouldn't you have written "Don't evade the frank answer as you usually do?"
But it should be noted that many of the questions that you have asked me have been irrelevant to whatever issue was under discussion. So why I should have answered them is beyond me. And **if **I have evaded giving you frank answers to pertinent and legitimate questions you've asked of me about what I've said about your submissions (please show me where I have done so, let alone **frequently**), I'm only following your example.
Seriously? A weasel **feels** a person's manner? And didn't you say that he **could** see the farmer ("the weasel saw the farmer with a gun")?
"3-No. It should be: What do you think this kind of mistake is?"
So there are indeed times when you write poorly and ungrammatically.
"4- Please answer me as frankly as l do."
You answer yourself frankly?
"Don't evade the frank answer as you usually act".
Is this good English? Shouldn't you have written "Don't evade the frank answer as you usually do?"
But it should be noted that many of the questions that you have asked me have been irrelevant to whatever issue was under discussion. So why I should have answered them is beyond me. And **if **I have evaded giving you frank answers to pertinent and legitimate questions you've asked of me about what I've said about your submissions (please show me where I have done so, let alone **frequently**), I'm only following your example.
9th Apr 2020 8:46am
9th Apr 2020 11:26am
A weasel was offended
by a hostile farmer’s mien
until he was upended
with the hail of bullets rained
upon him from
the barrel of the farmer’s gun
with heated rage insane -
the bullets that
he could not dodge, outrun
as he, with futile speed
and swoops,
tried then, so unsuccessfully,
to flee the coop.
"Ah! What a cool",
the farmer said
and how he drooled,
intent to top the end of day
by making weasel soup.
by a hostile farmer’s mien
until he was upended
with the hail of bullets rained
upon him from
the barrel of the farmer’s gun
with heated rage insane -
the bullets that
he could not dodge, outrun
as he, with futile speed
and swoops,
tried then, so unsuccessfully,
to flee the coop.
"Ah! What a cool",
the farmer said
and how he drooled,
intent to top the end of day
by making weasel soup.
