Here's Why

Here's Why

 I’ve used inductive, reductive, and deductive logic
 But I can’t figure out why
 Why was I never good enough?
 Why were there around 9 foster homes
 And an orphanage between ages 3 and 8?
 That's about 6 months each
 6 months of "I love you" and "we want to keep you"
 Followed by, 'you need to go pack your stuff, your social worker is on her way'

 Why did some of these parents show love
 with slaps and screams and others show it with
 winter nights spent alone
 outside with a 2-liter bottle as a pillow?

 and when that hell ended why did the next one start?
 How did the one who decided to keep me
 wrap me in hugs of hate and fear
 causing the only constant, my sister
 to run rather than fight
 Why did she leave me alone in this serpent's pit?
 Only to inject venom into her own veins

 Why did a brother who saved my life overseas
 get murdered for nothing more than a tank of gas?
 And another hang himself out of guilt because he couldn't
 look at his wife and son without resentment?

 Why was I damned to swim through this alone?
 Bleeding from invisible wounds
 I knew would never stop flowing

 Why was I a tattered rag, and forgotten flotsam on an abandoned beach?

 To answer these questions,
 answer this one
 "if there is a god,
how does he allow such bad things to happen to such good people?"

 I figured it out
 How do you make friends?
 By being one

 how do you heal?
 By helping others heal.

 How could I have been so self-centered and egotistical to think I was the only one
 with a messed-up past,
 the only one that felt as paper being fed through a shredder?

 My wounds aren't meant to heal,
 They are to make me help you heal
 Every smile,
 every moment of unadulterated genuine compassion
 Is a stitch

 Slowly stitching myself back together
 Let's sew our tattered rags together
 tie our abandoned flotsam together
 Build a boat and sail out of hell
 Together

 I don't know why it took so long
 the answer has been staring me in the face
 I can't count the number of times I've heard
 "thanks for listening, not many will"
 or "it means a lot that you are willing to help me even though you don't know me"

 It took too long to learn
 there is no such thing as one-way healing
To heal through love
 And to love myself
 I’m going to spend a lot of time with me