deepundergroundpoetry.com
On J-Z's "From Hands to Hands"
Let’s note:
There’s not, as there should be,
if this supposedly God centered piece of yours
can claim the name of poetry,
a hint of music
sounding out in what you wrote.
There’s nothing here except the incoherency
and pious, preachy platitudes you’re noted for;
no, nothing that would leave a reader
much enchanted,
filled with awe at your capacity for artistry,
at your command of lyrical phraseology,
or struck and magicked by
just how you captured an experience so well
that he or she
was brought to mental pleasures that excelled
immersion in dull prose,
and made them wish to dwell
again and then again
upon your words
and want to then commit them all
to memory.
Come on, J-Z!
Can you really straight-faced claim
that what you’ve posted here
is what good poetry should be,
i.e., a something worth
reciting or remembering?
There’s not, as there should be,
if this supposedly God centered piece of yours
can claim the name of poetry,
a hint of music
sounding out in what you wrote.
There’s nothing here except the incoherency
and pious, preachy platitudes you’re noted for;
no, nothing that would leave a reader
much enchanted,
filled with awe at your capacity for artistry,
at your command of lyrical phraseology,
or struck and magicked by
just how you captured an experience so well
that he or she
was brought to mental pleasures that excelled
immersion in dull prose,
and made them wish to dwell
again and then again
upon your words
and want to then commit them all
to memory.
Come on, J-Z!
Can you really straight-faced claim
that what you’ve posted here
is what good poetry should be,
i.e., a something worth
reciting or remembering?
Published 1st Apr 2020
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The author encourages honest critique.
If what you mean
by your good piece of poetry
is what you write
in your distasteful lines
that you would call without a sense of shame
good poetry,
I can tell you that no man in his mind
will ever try
to write what you would call your perfect style.
In your masterpieces
You write some words that you invent
and that are seriously wrong,
but when l correct them
instead of thanking me
as people always do,
you pretend that a poet from the oldest time
wrote them like that,
forgetting that English has changed a lot.
Moreover, you think that
if a person can write as l do now,
he proves that he writes in the perfect way.
My dearest friend,
Please try to remember
that people are as sensitive as you must be,
and they can be most affected
by your most hurting style
which can hurt anyone, but they try to be kind,
thinking that you will change your horrid tone.
by your good piece of poetry
is what you write
in your distasteful lines
that you would call without a sense of shame
good poetry,
I can tell you that no man in his mind
will ever try
to write what you would call your perfect style.
In your masterpieces
You write some words that you invent
and that are seriously wrong,
but when l correct them
instead of thanking me
as people always do,
you pretend that a poet from the oldest time
wrote them like that,
forgetting that English has changed a lot.
Moreover, you think that
if a person can write as l do now,
he proves that he writes in the perfect way.
My dearest friend,
Please try to remember
that people are as sensitive as you must be,
and they can be most affected
by your most hurting style
which can hurt anyone, but they try to be kind,
thinking that you will change your horrid tone.
"You write some words that you invent
and that they are completely wrong, "
Leaving aside the question of whether your piece above is prose in line breaks, and whether the repeated use of certain words indicates you have little command of language, and how often you think that the words you use have meanings that they don't possess, please tell me what my linguistic inventions (neologisms?) are and why they are "wrong".
and that they are completely wrong, "
Leaving aside the question of whether your piece above is prose in line breaks, and whether the repeated use of certain words indicates you have little command of language, and how often you think that the words you use have meanings that they don't possess, please tell me what my linguistic inventions (neologisms?) are and why they are "wrong".
3rd Apr 2020 3:27pm
"Moreover, you think that
if a person can write as l do now,
he proves that he writes in the perfect way. "
I'd be grateful if you'd show me where I said or indicated any such thing.
if a person can write as l do now,
he proves that he writes in the perfect way. "
I'd be grateful if you'd show me where I said or indicated any such thing.
What happened to your note
(see https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/378221-from-hands-to-hands/)
that this piece of mine "... as well as all [of my] other writing are great poetry"?
Were you lying when you said that, or are you lying now?
(see https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/378221-from-hands-to-hands/)
that this piece of mine "... as well as all [of my] other writing are great poetry"?
Were you lying when you said that, or are you lying now?
I was not lying, but merely trying
to be kind with a person whose heart is
full of a grudge
for reasons l don't know.
I've tried so hard
to gain your friendship,
but you were always rude.
May l know if there is a reason for all that?
to be kind with a person whose heart is
full of a grudge
for reasons l don't know.
I've tried so hard
to gain your friendship,
but you were always rude.
May l know if there is a reason for all that?
3rd Apr 2020 7:37pm
3rd Apr 2020 5:14pm
Baldwin,
that this piece of mine"...as well as all of my other writing are great poetry
Baldwin, is this good English? Don't you know the rule of AS WELL AS?
that this piece of mine"...as well as all of my other writing are great poetry
Baldwin, is this good English? Don't you know the rule of AS WELL AS?
Thanks for the misquote. What I posted to you was "that this piece of mine "... as well as all [of my] other writing are great poetry" -- which was a paraphrase of your "These two poems as well as all your other writing are great poetry" to make the referent of my question what I wrote"
More importantly. in the light of what's stated here:
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/grammar/british-grammar/as-well-as
and the fact that Grammarly did not correct my use of "as well" I do not see what rule I broke.
But I thought the issue was whether "full of grudge" is good English and where I actually said any of the things you claim I've said.
Thanks for changing the subject.
More importantly. in the light of what's stated here:
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/grammar/british-grammar/as-well-as
and the fact that Grammarly did not correct my use of "as well" I do not see what rule I broke.
But I thought the issue was whether "full of grudge" is good English and where I actually said any of the things you claim I've said.
Thanks for changing the subject.
Dear Baldwin,
GRUDGE should take A as it is countable, A CAUSE FOR HATRED, and to suit the RHYTHM. Thank you for changing the attitude if it is changed.
GRUDGE should take A as it is countable, A CAUSE FOR HATRED, and to suit the RHYTHM. Thank you for changing the attitude if it is changed.
