deepundergroundpoetry.com
FROM HANDS TO HANDS
FROM HANDS TO HANDS
The sweetest time of life is that of early years
when parents' hands display how kind is our land.
Then it begins to prove the land is not so grand,
but what makes it superb are those two, full of grace.
The Father in the sky supplies the parents' arms
to smooth the early way, to elate young mankind.
When man grows up, he knows how great is parents' help;
then God extends His hands to replace the old pair.
His Son, the Christ, shows us the way, the truth, the life,
His Spirit clears the minds, and purifies the thoughts,
and Mary of pure hands takes the place of the mums.
All will make our earth once more a sublime place.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
The sweetest time of life is that of early years
when parents' hands display how kind is our land.
Then it begins to prove the land is not so grand,
but what makes it superb are those two, full of grace.
The Father in the sky supplies the parents' arms
to smooth the early way, to elate young mankind.
When man grows up, he knows how great is parents' help;
then God extends His hands to replace the old pair.
His Son, the Christ, shows us the way, the truth, the life,
His Spirit clears the minds, and purifies the thoughts,
and Mary of pure hands takes the place of the mums.
All will make our earth once more a sublime place.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 31st Mar 2020
| Edited 1st Apr 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
So what did parents have
to help them with
the consequences of (the) land
becoming less than grand
before the Virgin Mary came to be
a breathing being on earth
to lend to all the dads and mums
who lived before the time that she
(or, yea, her swaddled son) was born
a guiding hand?
to help them with
the consequences of (the) land
becoming less than grand
before the Virgin Mary came to be
a breathing being on earth
to lend to all the dads and mums
who lived before the time that she
(or, yea, her swaddled son) was born
a guiding hand?
1st Apr 2020 4:12pm
Let’s note:
There’s not, as there should be,
if this supposedly God centered piece of yours
can claim the name of poetry,
a hint of music
sounding out in what you wrote.
There’s nothing here except the incoherency
and pious, preachy platitudes you’re noted for;
no, nothing that would leave a reader
much enchanted,
filled with awe at your capacity for artistry,
at your command of lyrical phraseology,
or struck and magicked by
just how you captured an experience so well
that he or she
was brought to mental pleasures that excelled
immersion in dull prose,
and made them wish to dwell
again and then again
upon your words
and want to then commit them all
to memory.
Come on, J-Z!
Can you really straight-faced claim
that what you’ve posted here
is what good poetry should be,
i.e., a something worth
reciting or remembering?
There’s not, as there should be,
if this supposedly God centered piece of yours
can claim the name of poetry,
a hint of music
sounding out in what you wrote.
There’s nothing here except the incoherency
and pious, preachy platitudes you’re noted for;
no, nothing that would leave a reader
much enchanted,
filled with awe at your capacity for artistry,
at your command of lyrical phraseology,
or struck and magicked by
just how you captured an experience so well
that he or she
was brought to mental pleasures that excelled
immersion in dull prose,
and made them wish to dwell
again and then again
upon your words
and want to then commit them all
to memory.
Come on, J-Z!
Can you really straight-faced claim
that what you’ve posted here
is what good poetry should be,
i.e., a something worth
reciting or remembering?
1st Apr 2020 5:38pm
1st Apr 2020 6:17pm
What makes you say so, especially since you've noted many times that I know nothing about poetry and that what I write is actually prose?
2nd Apr 2020 6:14pm
I'm still waiting for you to tell me what, in your eyes, makes my pieces not just poetry but "great" poetry. Will you please respond?
2nd Apr 2020 9:09pm
Dear Baldwin,
What you write is just criticism, and not poetry. Write a piece of original poetry first, and then l tell you if you are a poet.
What you write is just criticism, and not poetry. Write a piece of original poetry first, and then l tell you if you are a poet.
