deepundergroundpoetry.com

This IS Not A Poem.

I can't believe all the things I am going through. And I apologize but not for who I am, it's because I can't change for you. It's what the world has done to me causes me to do the things I do. There is no change in me because there is no change in you. Tinted eyes polluted skies of blue. Corrupt the truth, words passes in the wind, now lies are true. Some days I just will sit alone and cry, once I prayed for life now I pray to die. And there are to many reasons to have a reason why. Yes tonight my words are written in tears. And my is like is like a car, rolling in reverse, rolling back the years. To the days when I was just, a ignorant child, my heart gentle and mild, innocent and smiling, now it's corrupted angry and wild. So much pain inside, my soul has left this vessel, now it's a place where hate and hurt abides. I never want no one to tell me they love me. Those words to me has become so foul and ugly. And I am so afraid to let love reach out touch or hug me. Nobody can love me because they can't see me, my truths can't change anything, if you're deceived by the way you perceive me. Yeah I am going through a lot, walking through my city blocks,where me and my friends shot tops, and some got shot, I sold dope I sold rocks, I could have been on wall street, bought and trade stock. But I played spades in jail doing time so there was no need for clocks.   I am not from the streets, I come from a good father a good mother, two sisters four brothers. I found pain and love at home, so now I have love and pain for others.  And when I fall on my knees, and look into the sky above.  And I ask God, if you offered me all of the world. And he says son, what do you want. And I will cry to him is all I want is love. I know pain, and what is hope, when I have nowhere to turn I turn to a bag of dope,  I pass the dealer my cash, and he passes me a rope. And I slowly hang myself. Put the trigger to my head and bang myself. Sam Cook said a change is going to come. Yet change is instant if you change yourself. Love yourself and rearrange your self. So today I past that dope by, I decided to live and there are to many reason for a reason why. No I think I am going to live before I die. Somebody told me I will never rise, told me they loved me, and they said they never lied. I was screaming for help from hell, but they threw down grease to help me fry.  And I almost went back, to the same old tracks, hanging with the same old cats, eat and sleep with the rats. Become a white sheet and a stat.  Let the world take me down I can't do that.  You know what I am going to do with that pain and hate. Dumb it on the floor, and recreate and refill that empty space with love.  Be the man who I am and kill the thug. And be who I am and not who my so called friend said I was. Because nobody cares, no one is sincere. Because I am in need of a loving friend and no one's here. They said they were my sister, they said they were my brothers. She said she had my back.with a knife twisted in it I soon discovered.  Ok you said I can't rise. But I will never believe that lie.  I can't trust nobody. I know this because I tried.  I give a fuck about me, because nobody else don't. So I am going to love myself because nobody else won't.  Tried to make me feel worthless, try to tear me to shreds, pretending to wishing me well but wishing me dead.  Hey to all that who I love.  I am a good man. and yes I am not perfect, and I make mistakes. But my love was no fairy tale. It was never fake.  I don't understand I fight with the ones I love, and we say hurtful things. Although you hurt me to my love for you remain the same. Yet when I am burning in hell, you fan the flames.  Don't nobody every tell me they love me.  Because you don't no me, I have no home, I have no name. And I will trust no one in this world or love again.
Written by darkcloud68
Published
Author's Note
I over came a lot in my life. Done a lot, and more good than bad love with all. Protect and help others. I get angry I can say nasty things. Hurt the ones I love. And I own it and let it go. Yet the thing is the person I am hurting. Is hurting me. And we are both wrong. How can Iove and forgive. And yet I am not forgiven. I figure because my love is true. I love the most. Everything good I do don't matter. I'm worth it. I don't care who don't see. See I am that clump of coal, that knows he is diamond. Forgive me at the moment I am a island.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1 reading list entries 1
comments 2 reads 356
Commenting Preference: 
The author encourages honest critique.

Latest Forum Discussions
COMPETITIONS
Today 5:25pm by ajay
SPEAKEASY
Today 5:14pm by Phantom2426
SPEAKEASY
Today 3:20pm by Mstrmnd1923
SPEAKEASY
Today 1:45pm by Ahavati
SPEAKEASY
Today 1:39pm by nightbirdblue