Square 1 4 - 10 Years of Work -or- A Lot About the Sun -or- The Embodiment of Conflict

Wrestle with myself to get something going    
        in my head      
        in my brain               in my room      
in whatever expanding and shrinking disappearing non-existing space      
I drop everything to renew.      
     
Only a story passed through      
and I start tomorrow at ground zero.      
Put on the music and sit alone.      
Be free of structure and rhyme - only say what could not be said      
yesterday.      
     
Like this passing through      
   the world      
     meeting everyone      
  having a long conversation        
          with myself.      
     
All the new songs      
    new tomorrows      
            yesterday      
     
and no matter where I am      
            I drop it all off.      
     
You wanted to be something.      
           I did not.      
You want to be someone.      
           I want to be free.      
     
We met for a minute and changed the world,      
a bit of conversation, how the power industry shook;      
they'll write a new constitution based on our dreams and offhand remarks in the dark      
and I'll navigate waters on weekends, learn carefully new navigational rules      
they realized they had to instate, that I agree make so much more sense.      
     
Wrestle with myself to stay independent of where I am      
and cast off those who are hungry for flesh      
watching theirs rot      
unlearned of the secrets and songs of Death,      
unable to make the end into a dear friend.      
     
Local mythology pops up abruptly,      
turns some human forms into some other forms      
then disappears as suddenly, leaving its bearers bare, confused, and hungry.      
Some are myth-makers.      
Some bend the space and leave the audience wondering, scratching their heads.      
Some want love and      
  some want fame      
      and some want a life outside the game.      
Some want a home and a garden and some      
only think that they do.      
     
I want to stay in my heart how you brought me to      
it - taught me just what I needed to see -      
                  for who?      
     
Wrestle with myself and all the images lodged in my head      
               to get out of it -      
                    where I woke up      
                    what I named myself      
                    the narrative my lacks convinced me of,      
                    all of it clashing and never finding a place      
                             then obliterate      
                                       and find what is really there      
                                       underneath the wants of the screaming ocean      
                                                              and minute-long theories.      
     
No obligations      
    to me      
       from you -      
     
       I know your secrets      
       and now I know your heart.      
       
               Is it a little bit of fear      
                   that spurs me to dissociate      
                            from the life we don't have,      
                                      that wanted to use us,      
                                              and who used whom?      
     
Hard to find self-respect      
   as a stepping stone.      
Hard for my ego      
      to admit the soft truth.      
     
     
I waste time on you            How to find love                I love all the stories      
  on all                                    how to find what                I love all I am asked to do      
I step on myself                      can never be had?             but have to fight the tendency to get stuck    
  and the sun                                                                                                
     
     
                                                stay free      
                                                              independent      
                                                                              fearless      
                                                              and most of all do not heed what is said          
                                                by the hungry.      
     
              
                I am not hungry, but have quite the insatiable motivation      
                                               if I just pull it out.