What, oh what, does extreme loneliness make you do? (God have mercy on me)

How grave is the sickness?
  The lengths that it makes me go to
   the worlds that it makes me build up around me
and fall when the wind blows.

How grave is the sickness?
   My propeller.
Shouldn't bring others into where I dwell.
   I can't even see.

Beloved sickness
eating me
regurgitating me
enveloping enlightening and fading away
taking with it everything I learned
back into the Void
the Big Black Void
where nothing existed
where I know I'd created Another
just now realized the metaphor was true.
Only my shadow fooled me once again.
Nothing exists out here but me and the sun.


***

When you realize
it's just you and the sun -
oh the clarity
the horror
looking down upon all you have made.

Run races in circles
trying to get away from what you have seen
calm down smile again -
you're inside the game again, plopped in with a soft landing
and everything feels just fine again.

Back into the game.
Back into the game.

***

Shadow, you've made me see it again
believe that I found it
blow life into air
For how long - you weathered all of the pitfalls -
but I wanted so much for you to return
for you to be real -
and you were
until you couldn't be anymore.