deepundergroundpoetry.com

Profound Moment

Time weaves in and out,  
Time has no constraints,  
Sometimes it takes longer than others to figure things out,  
My feelings were not feints,  
Real as the day and night cycle,  
Clear as the nose on my face.  
Around, and around in my head, they did whorl,  
But even though the emotions were in front of my face,  
What to call them, eluded me,  
I cut and pasted all these labels at a rapid fire pace,  
But the glue always seemed to fail me,  
Not quite in place,  
It was just, not quite strong enough,  
They never quite seemed to fit,  
They were almost right, almost enough,  
But I never found "It".  
Until, as I spiraled into my center,  
And looked deep within myself,  
Always being just on the border  
Of any label of self,  
I studied my psyche,  
I curled up within myself and locked away the distractions of the outside world,  
The energy that constantly influences the psyche,  
Both good and bad riddled,  
And held myself there, within the comfort of my center,  
Hidden behind my layers of being,  
Like when you close your ears and hear your heartbeat and your breathing, and you surrender  
To the essence of your being.  
I listened,  
I listened to what my soul had to say, and seeing what my soul was seeing,  
I found something pure and innocent,  
The spark of my being,  
With all-around wisps of everything I had ever known, thought, experienced, done, and been.  
All of it was still me,  
But it felt a little different, not from what it had been,  
But from others like me.  
It was a very deep, profound, experience,  
But I still had a hard time applying the knowledge I had learned,  
I was still trying to remember the difference,  
After so long of thinking the way I felt, meant I was one way, only to be enlightened,  
Reunited with my self, and whole,  
Until two nights ago, when it sank in, finally,  
And filled in the whole hole in my soul.  
I was reading a story I had privately written for myself about a character, when I did see  
That one sentance I had recently changed  
To confirm and support my gender,  
With that one sentance changed,  
Even though I had read it a thousand times, this time, I felt it in my center,  
I felt it in my core.  
It was like a sudden initial then semi-slow release of warmth from my core (the center of my face to my solar plexus),  
It spread throughout my entire being and made me want more,  
More of those moments precious.  
Having he/his/him used, occasionally wearing a mustache, and being talked with/to like a man a bit more,  
I am still me,  
I just have a label that fits more,  
I have not changed nor want to change me.
Written by Orc_Pirate_68 (Sabrina Kirk-Caldwell)
Published | Edited 7th Mar 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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